The Uncommon Path
"The Uncommon Path" is a podcast that intimately explores the transformative journeys of individuals, featuring raw and unfiltered testimonies that celebrate the resilience, growth, and shared human experiences, offering listeners a source of inspiration and connection on their own life paths. Join us as we unveil the extraordinary stories that shape who we are.
The Uncommon Path
Christian Olmsted - From Teaching to Construction: Embracing Faith, Family, and Purpose Amidst Life's Transitions
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Christian Olmsted shares his inspiring journey of faith, family, and personal growth throughout the episode. He reflects on how pivotal moments have shaped his life and the importance of communication and support in marriage, especially while managing a busy family life.
• Exploring early relationship with God and personal faith journey
• Discussing pivotal moments that shaped life and marriage
• Importance of communication and mutual support in marriage
• Navigating challenges of parenting and personal growth
• The commitment to daily prayer and its transformative power
• Emphasizing resilience and striving for purpose in life
• Reflecting on lessons learned throughout their journey
Journey of Faith
Speaker 1Hey everyone . This is Chris . I'm Ryan From the Uncommon Path podcast . The scripture , revelation 12 11 says and they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony .
Speaker 2Our hope is that as you listen , you will be encouraged in the Lord . This podcast was created as an avenue to share people's raw and unfiltered journeys with him . We hope this brings breakthrough and intimacy with Jesus through their testimony of what God is doing through their lives dude , I do love y'all's church I've said this over and over again , but you've never been there , have you ? No , except for a prayer , except for a prayer , prayer meeting that I went to one time . But I know the fruit , the fruit that y'all produce there .
Speaker 4Yeah , you know a couple of guys there , probably pastor John Caveri and Nate Mullins . Maybe you know Jamie Huckabee .
Speaker 2Yep and Brian Boswell used to go there right .
Speaker 4Yep Used to .
Speaker 2Now he's a pastor of .
Speaker 4Cornerstone .
Speaker 2We rolling .
Speaker 1We are rolling , we are live , ready to go Real quick for the listeners . Chris is not here , so you guys are stuck with me and ryan well we're not stuck .
Speaker 4I'm glad you're here , warren .
Speaker 2Thanks , christian well , christian beat me to it . I was was going to say that .
Speaker 1You weren't going to say that . Thank you , Christian . It means a lot .
Speaker 4We all need some Warren in our lives . Yeah right .
Speaker 2Some need to Warrenize their business . Shout out to Raleigh Flooring . If you have any flooring needs in the Triangle area , please reach out to Warren Bristol .
Speaker 1You know that's the first time he's gotten my company name right in 42 episodes .
Speaker 4It's not very hard , Ryan Raleigh . Flooring is about as basic as it gets .
Speaker 2You're so successful already I mean , you've had your hand in so many businesses . Which successful business should I represent ?
Speaker 1It's not my interview .
Speaker 2Today we are here with Christian Olmsted . Christian's a dear friend of mine . He is a contractor , a realtor , loves Jesus , has an amazing family , does business well according to the kingdom , brings Jesus into everything he does . I've had the pleasure of doing work for him and I've never seen anyone treat their customers or their clients as well as he does . So thank you for taking time out of your schedule to be here .
Speaker 4It's a pleasure . Thanks , Ryan .
Speaker 2You've heard episodes before . We'll just all kind of just want to get a grid for how your relationship with the Lord started , a grid for how your relationship with the Lord started , any pivotal moments that happened along the way that kind of gave you a more realistic view of who God really is , who Jesus really is , what he did , you moving here , kind of your involvement with house church and then kind of being a part of a bigger body . If you care to share on that , sure , and then where the Lord has you here in the upcoming future . Let's start off with who is Christian Olmsted .
Speaker 4So at the , at the root , I am Jen Olmsted's husband , because she is the best thing about my life here on earth . She is , she's everything , so I'm just riding her coattails through life . To be honest , she's just an amazing person and she's the mother of my four children , who are 22 , 21 , 16 , and 14 . The two boys are older and the two girls are younger and just try to keep up with them . I'm a son , one of five . My wife is also one of five , so we both come from a similar family makeup .
Speaker 4I'm the second oldest , she's the second youngest , but we both came from big families in the same area but we didn't meet until we were teenagers . But we did meet when we were teenagers and , uh , she was almost 16 when I asked her mom if I could ask her out and we dated for four years , went to college together , got married in college and then moved to North Carolina together to start a family and then moved to North Carolina together to start a family . So a couple years later we had our first . We've been here for going on 25 years and our son is 22 years old , going on 23 .
Speaker 4Wow , how long have y'all been married ? We've been married 26 years . It'll be 27 .
Speaker 2August 1st Congratulations .
Speaker 1Thank you .
Speaker 2What brought you to North Carolina ? So , what brought you to North Carolina ?
Speaker 4So three things brought us to North Carolina . The weather brought us South . We're in upstate New York and in a small town , which is a great small town , we love to go back and visit . But we envisioned our future somewhere warmer , less snow , shorter winters , and so we were . We had our eyes South .
Speaker 4And then the second thing was jobs . We were both graduating from college with an elementary education degree and so we were going to job fairs and looking for jobs in the South and and this area of North Carolina was hiring teachers and the the the ratio of of applicants to jobs was in our favor , whereas in New York at that time it was it was against us . So there was like 300 applicants per position up there at the time , and so it was pretty easy for us to get jobs here . We came down and toured the area and we got offers pretty much all over the place . And then the third thing was the church . So the church that I go to now was just starting up back then in 1997 , 98 . And we were looking in 1999 into 2000 .
Speaker 4And we had heard that this guy , john Caveri , was starting a church and Garner had just started a church and he was connected to the church that we were up there , that we were going to up there . It was called elam gospel fellowship and there's a bible institute there in lima , new york , and he was out of this college ministry too . He was a full-time college minister before starting the church and that ministry was called basic brothers and sisters in Christ , and they're mostly in the Northeast , and we were involved in Basic . My brother worked full-time for Basic , uh , basic was was birthed out of that , that group , that church of Elam , and so we had a lot of common friends and we even see , we even saw John Caveri uh teach at one of the conferences up in upstate New York and Syracuse , uh , which is a big part of my story . And so to have that connection , um landed us in Garner .
Speaker 2It's wild . So what ? What kind of growing up ? What was your dynamic with the Lord ?
Speaker 4Yeah , well , I feel like I've just always been close to the Lord and like sold out to Him . He's just always been my Lord and Savior , always . I mean , I was probably four years old , on my on my bed with my mom and dad praying . My brother prayed and I wanted to pray and we were . You know , we're young , young believers and in Christian circles , all growing up , so I was one of those that just kind of grew up in the church and my mom's history is Mennonite , as is my wife's both sides of her family is Mennonite . So they all grew up super conservative , really . Good values , good homes , good families , um , just solid , good people . And my dad was saved in the jesus moon movement .
Speaker 4he was a hippie , long hair , camaro oh , wow and dating this mennonite girl who was my mom , and so that's kind of the history before me . And so I grew up mostly in a non-denominational church , because I was about four or five years old when they started going to that church in a small town in upstate New York and my parents were always involved , super involved . My dad was always some type of leader in the church , from deacon to elder to assistant pastor , and so we were going to all the things , sunday morning , sunday night , wednesday night , all the things , and we would even go to the Mennonite conventions . So I got the best of both worlds in that way . Uh , we were going to all the charismatic events , but we were also going to the conservative Mennonite conferences , uh , in our state and other States Ohio and Pennsylvania and Delaware and hanging out with the youth group over there and the Mennonite church , and that's kind of how I actually ran into my wife , my future wife , back then .
Speaker 2Wow . So you probably I'm assuming you probably didn't have any judgment for any side , cause you were like kind of brought up and people were kind of more , yeah , Outgoing with the spirit . But then some who are more reserved .
Speaker 4Yeah , I didn't feel any judgment by any means . No , I had aunts and uncles and cousins in the Mennonite church and we didn't attend the Mennonite church regularly , but I would visit often and in fact the pastor of that church spoke at our wedding and the pastor of my church spoke at our wedding and then my dad married us because he had recently been ordained and so we did have a really good mixture of both worlds and I felt no judgment . I still have relatives in the Mennonite church and I'm glad they're there and I'm glad that when I go and visit back at home I'm just one of the family and there's no feelings either way , because we all know that we're all serving the same God and value . The older I get , the more I look back and really value the roots that I come from , my wife comes from , my mom came out of and I got to grow up in it's it's . It's so valuable and I feel really blessed .
Speaker 2So what was ? So ? Was there a turning point , like in your relationship with the Lord , where you of the lord , where you the way , the way , another way to put it like was there what was the time where , like christian owned his own faith with jesus versus walking in your parents kind of shadow or , yeah , model ?
Speaker 4because that's , that's the thing , right , that's all of us who have just grown up in it . At what point is it not your parents beliefs and religion and way of life , and at what point does it become your own Right ? So you know , I've never felt directed by my parents , I've never felt forced at all , and there were many times through my adolescence where we would go to Christian camps and events and I was leading a prayer group at my high school and it was a pretty small town , so we weren't in mega churches by any means , and so we had a youth group of half a dozen to a dozen kids at any given time . The Mennonite church was a little bit bigger and there would be 20 , 30 , 40 kids , but I always felt like I was in some sort of leadership in those circles and so in that way I already felt like it was my own in a way .
Speaker 4But when you go , get outside of your house and go to , for me it was college and you're on your own and there's nobody else to lean on or to be told . This is is when churches and this is where we're going , and things like that . Um , so for me it was college . For sure , I went to a Christian college it was Robert Swastikian college in Rochester , and but that's , that's when you know you're . You're 20 , 21 , 22 years old and starting to kind of realize the way things work in the world and and who's real and who's not real . You're at a Christian college , so everybody's kind of like talking the talk but not necessarily walking the walk , and so then you have to look inside of yourself and and and realize am I really who I say I am ?
Speaker 4And so those questions start swirling around in your mind . And then back to the basic college ministries . That was one of the ministries on our campus
Transformative Journey of Faith
Speaker 4. There were several and really good ones , but basic was really pivotal for me and there was this event they did every year in the winter was really pivotal for me and there was this event they did every year in the winter in Syracuse , new York , called just the Basic Retreat and they would rent out the hotel and the conference center and have a weekend of just worshiping and healing and baptisms of the Holy Spirit were happening there , but just Spirit-filled worship and it was really , really touching for me .
Speaker 4And so I do remember one of those retreats , just on my knees up front being baptized in the Holy Spirit and just the holy spirit just like washing over me and just me being me , feeling that intimacy , uh , with god and just feeling like I'm wrapped up in his arms and and just really close to him and and I'm , and I find myself in this place , I just don't want to leave hmm , I'm just loving it and I don't want to let go , and I would say that was the the pivotal point where I was just like this is me forever , you know .
Speaker 4And so I was coming to grips with some of the fallacies that I had as a as a youth and ways I've treated my parents . I remember calling my dad that night , late at night , and him answering the phone next to his bed and and me , just , you know , being real with him and apologizing for ways I treated him and um , and just wanting to be a better person . And so we , you know , and this is around the time I'm I'm also thinking about proposing to my girlfriend and think about our future together and growing up and becoming a man and on my own , you know , and and uh , I think it was really timely of the Holy spirit to to grip me in that way at that time . Uh , because it really they really define our lives together . So my wife actually had similar experiences in similar environments and we were both tracking individually , but also together , to become a couple that is , that is driven to service , back to God .
Speaker 1What were some of those things that you felt you needed to apologize for or seek forgiveness from your parents ?
Speaker 4Mostly just communication and attitudes . I was one of five and my dad well respected by the whole community , christian community and just the community of our town and area , and I was , I don't know , a little bit challenging of that , right . You don't say a little bit challenging of that , right .
Speaker 4So you don't say and so he , you know , he , he obviously always had good advice and a good outlook and he was obviously much more wise . But but me at that age , at 17 , 16 , 17 , just pushing back and challenging and , um , and said some hateful things .
Speaker 4and you know , out of out of my own pride , um , but you know , I know it was a part of me growing up too and starting to come to grips with with my own beliefs and and want feeling this , this , um , unsettled this , but I didn't know how to handle it , uh , in the best ways , and so I know I said some things that were hurtful and so I just wanted to clear the air and and let them know that um , that didn't come from any any place that that would drive us away from each other , but it was um , it was just something I needed to deal with and and and to start off on a clean slate with , and he was so receptive , like I mean , he answered the phone late at night I don't know if I would do that in his shoes , but he did and he was just listened and he always did that .
Speaker 4Whenever I screwed up , got a speeding ticket or whatever , he was just always there and um , always always ready to , always ready to hear me out , and yeah , be dad , be dad in the middle of it , but at the same time , just always there . And so I've really always really appreciated that and I've emulated him in a lot of ways with my own kids was that the first time you felt like you released control to the lord ?
Speaker 4where I was .
Speaker 2What where was that the first time that you remember like releasing control to the Lord ? Yeah , one of the first times , for sure what was so after that moment or that time , did you carry yourself differently like ? Were there different habits that you started to implement , or were you still kind of like ? Was it this change that happened overnight or was ? Was the walking out of that new identity difficult ?
Speaker 4Yeah , so soon after that , jen and I started getting more involved in the church . We started going to , like you know , foundations classes and starting to feel like we were not just members and filling a seat , but really wanted to see for ourselves what was going on behind the scenes and see what our place would be in ministry .
Speaker 4and so we it's not like we were all of a sudden mature , you know , but yeah but at the same time we started owning it a little bit more at that time and then marriage wasn't that long after and my wife especially just latched on to being wife and she's you know , she's she's a very driven person and successful in in the marketplace .
Speaker 4But she took her homemaking very seriously too . And just decorating our small 400 square foot apartment in the upstairs of a house and just making it home and cooking and all this stuff On the side of everything else she was doing and succeeding everywhere else , she took that really seriously and succeeding everywhere else Um , she was , she took that really seriously . And I wasn't joking when I said I um , ride her coattails in a lot of ways because she , she's just really um , she's a really good person to to follow in that way , lead at the same time , um , not taken away from um the leadership um that I provide , but but at the same time , just um , it doesn't , it doesn't hurt following the lead of something like that too , uh , cause she is , uh , she's pretty incredible .
Navigating Leadership and Vision in Marriage
Speaker 2What did you learn Cause from the conversations we've had ? What did you learn Because , from the conversations we've had , your wife is pretty strong-willed . What did you learn ? Like the first few years of marriage , like in regards to leadership , like how did you navigate challenges in leadership , like leading your wife and leading your family .
Speaker 4Yeah , challenges and leadership like leading leading your wife and leading your family . Yeah , I would say that process was longer than I would have hoped for . That process is probably still happening after 20 , after 26 years um , definitely , I definitely definitely wasn't figuring it out fast track . This has been a process . I can definitely look back now and and successful wife who leads many , who also needs leadership and and desires leadership and and wants it and uh , so she can be a leader and uh , uh bad word here submissive at the same time .
Speaker 4And if she was here , she ? Would say submissive what .
Speaker 1It's okay , we have an explicit rating on this podcast .
Speaker 4We can use bad words here , no , but she's , you know she , you can follow a lead and lead in the same , in the same sentence , in the same way .
Speaker 2I think that's a really good word . Yeah , I remember there was a conference that I approached Christine Kane's husband , kind of like behind . I was helping with this conference and I just asked him a quick question . I was like , how do you lead your wife , who has a calling to be a leader , who has a calling to preach , who has a drive and destiny to see things happen ? And he was like I'm the one that sees her behind like all of the things that she's doing , her behind like all of the things that she's doing , and I get to be her biggest advocate and I get to be the one to push her and secure and support her dream and her vision . And and that was like so , uh , that that meant a whole lot to me because I desire to be that husband for my wife too .
Speaker 4Yeah , because you want her to be all the guys called her to be , and if and if , that's if that leads to really big things for her and if it looks like , maybe from the outside , that those are bigger things than even your calling , like you want that to happen . Yeah , it doesn't . There's no competition here . And so when she got her master's years later , we had all four kids and the girls were babies and she went through the principal fellows program that North Carolina State was providing , and we have four kids at home . Leadership for me looked like taking the boys to baseball practice with a diaper bag for the girls and a double stroller so that she could go to night classes and succeed like that was .
Speaker 4That was leadership for me , because if I didn't do that , then she couldn't do , because if I didn't do that , then she couldn't do what she is being led to do and called to do , and very capable of doing .
Speaker 2And so leadership just looks different sometimes , gosh , I have so much freaking flesh in me . Oh man , we all do Cheers . Cheers to that . What was y'all's ?
Speaker 4involvement like in ministry .
Speaker 1When there's so many seasons in my life I guess before that , like , take us through . So you guys get married . You've got four , four , you're in the process of having kids . You've got four kids . Like what's , what's next ? What are the challenges like ? Or what's the next lane of growth for you with four kids , with her and master ? Going through a master's program like what's happening and what's . What are you learning ?
Speaker 4well , those are not easy times , as you can imagine . We're still raising four kids , still in all the things . The boys were in west raleigh baseball , which is a thing around here and we loved it , but the boys are being driven toward their talents or raising the girls with their own personalities . Jen is getting her masters and and uh and looking for jobs . It took a while to get that first AP job that she ended up getting in the middle in a middle school , um , but I mean in a middle school , um , but I mean it's not easy . Like those times are are challenging , as as are many seasons in life . Uh , seasons , seasons of life are , are a thing . So you go through one season , you're onto the next and you try to enjoy and get the most out of every season , and that's something that I learned later in life . But you don't want to just grunt through a difficult season so that you can enjoy the next season , because that's a waste of the previous season .
Speaker 2Dang .
Speaker 4So what I've learned is is that you make the most out of that season , however challenging it might be . You it's not like it has to be all roses , but at the same time I believe you can still appreciate it fully and not just hope for a better day , because then that's a waste of life and I don't want to waste life . I want to count my days and number my days and make the most of each season . And so you know , those were good days , those were really good days . I mean , we had all four kids in one house , and that doesn't happen anymore . The boys are grown and out of the house , so those were sweet days and I wouldn't take anything away from those days .
Speaker 4But you know and the idea doesn't change either , cause you know the same support that I was , uh , exerting toward my wife in that season , she needed another level of support in the next season when she was job hunting for that , for the job that her masters was providing her .
Speaker 4Her it wasn't given to her and so she had to wait a few years and so supporting her in that low spot , in that lull between getting your master's and getting the job , because for her it was taking some random science position in an elementary school that was created for her by Wake County because they had to employ her , but it wasn't really where she was going . But it was like a filler for her in that season of life . And that was a challenging season for her because you're applying for this position and not getting it , and then the next position and not getting it , and then the next position and not getting it . And so then the leadership and support is encouraging and you know patting her on the back and picking her up and keeping the vision in front of her so that she can function , knowing that the promise is coming . It's not here yet , but it's coming , and so leadership in that season looked different than the season before it , but it was still still the same type of effort and love toward her .
Speaker 1I'll selfishly ask this yeah , like that season of focusing on vision , like what did it look like to establish that vision as a family ? Like , okay , you've got the kids , she's doing the master's and applying for jobs . Was that something that was a dream ? She had that put on hold with the kids that she's now picking back up , that you were supporting . Was that something you guys kind of built together ? Was that something you prayerfully considered ? What did that look like , finding that vision and then executing it ? Yeah .
Speaker 4Well , what it wasn't was a pre-drawn plan out of high school and college that we're going to , we're going to get a teaching job , then we're going to have kids and then you're going to go get your master's . That was not the plan . If we knew she was going to get her master's , she might've got it right out of college . There might've been a better , easier plan to get to where she was called to be . It was more like layers , in a way , where God was revealing a new , a new vision , a new plan , like you've already . You've done this . This is where I'm calling you to next and so it was more like responding to a hunger that god put inside of her and us and me , and then implementing that new idea , that new vision , which is so good of god that he just brings newness . And and it's it's not all , it's not all plug and play . And it's not all plug and play . My wife would love that because she's a planner , but that's we all know that's not how God works .
Speaker 4He has his own ways , which are very much higher than our ways , and so when he brings that new way and that new word into your life , then you just respond to it . And so that you know , that's what it looked like for us .
Speaker 2And on top of all of these seasons , were you guys still doing ministry ?
Speaker 4Yeah , we've pretty much always been doing ministry in one way , shape or form . I think around those days . I know around those days we were youth leaders . Same church we started going to Garner Christian Fellowship in 2000 and we have never even took a break from the church . We've never left the church , never gone anywhere else . So for 25 years now we've been serving there and at that time it was , it was youth ministry , and so we had a small youth group and we did what we could , and Jen was even involved in that fully . She's very organized and so she's the administrative arm of my entire life , but she was of the youth group as well , just the administrative arm , making things happen , making plans , schedules , and , um , you know , I would plant , I would have crazy ideas of let's do a lock in and let's ride the whip with our Hummer in the church parking lot and not ask the pastor permission . So I'd have these crazy ideas and Jen would help facilitate them .
Speaker 1What was her master's for ?
Speaker 4Administration , administration .
Speaker 1Yeah , what were like were you working like you're you're a builder now ? Like what were you like ? Were you working like you're you're a builder now ? Like what were you doing before ?
Speaker 4I was a builder then too okay , um , so I I got licensed in 2007 and this was around 20 between 2010 2012 when she was getting her masters , so I was a good five years into building when that was happening on your own , on my own , as a licensed GC , and this was soon after the housing crisis of 08-09 was that a stressful time for you or ?
Speaker 4Oh gosh , yeah , yeah , thankfully . So the timeline is I got licensed in 07 , 08 , 09 is the housing crisis . So thankfully , I was small enough . I was a small time builder . I was small enough .
Speaker 4I was a small-time builder , I was newly licensed and so I wasn't holding on to all these new construction properties , because that was the idea .
Speaker 4I was going to get licensed and build all these new houses , and so new construction basically came to a screeching halt around that time and anybody that was holding on to acreage and subdivisions just the sales went dry and loans weren't happening , and so a lot of big , bigger builders went under at that time , but I was , I wasn't holding on to anything , so I just morphed myself into a remodeler , and so I think that was the Lord , I think that was the God's hand , uh , in my life , um , just steering me in that direction . And so I , uh , I got into remodeling and renovations and you know , building additions and finishing out addicts , where people were staying in their houses . They needed more house , but they couldn't buy another house and they couldn't sell their house for , um , for what they put into it , and so they would just stay there and make their house their home , and so I became that guy that would just finish out basements and attics and move walls around and things like that .
Speaker 1Backtracking a little bit because , you said both of you went to undergrad for education right .
Speaker 4Yeah .
Speaker 1How'd you get from education to building ?
Speaker 4Yeah , that's a little bit of a long story , but I grew up working in construction and on farms .
Speaker 1We're out of time With my hands .
Speaker 2What's that we're ? Out of town . We're out of time . I'm kidding .
Speaker 4Yeah , and then I had to work myself through college too and I was doing roofing , uh to work our way through college and I graduated a year sooner than my wife , and so there was a year there where she was still a senior in college and I just worked full time um out there in the streets of Rochester tearing off roofs and residing homes , um gain some tools and truck , and so I had all that stuff when we moved to North Carolina and you know , as a teacher , summers and breaks I would do side jobs , and so I never gave that up .
Balancing Work, Family, and Rest
Speaker 4I was always working with my hands and in construction and and so back then this is 2001 and 02 my first salary was 27 000 a year as a teacher , which her and I working together was fine without any kids . But then we bought a house , we had one boy , then another boy and I'm looking at it , it starts adding up quick .
Speaker 4Yeah , it's adding up , right , it's all like stacking up on me and you're young and you're just doing this stuff , You're not really thinking too much about it . And we , we could have got by . We could have got by no problem . I mean , I wouldn't say no problem , but we could have got by . But then we had two boys , and now we're talking about Hmm , is it best that Jen goes back to work , or ? And then , and then God put it on her heart to stay home with the boys ? And then now I'm looking at one of those $27,000 a year salaries not two and so I started putting my feelers out . I pretty much decided not to work after two years of teaching , even though I loved it . I love teaching third grade and , and , uh , hanging out with the eight year olds and recess was my favorite part of the day too . Just love playing basketball with those kids . It's still my favorite part of it . Right yeah .
Speaker 4Yeah , so I I loved it in a lot of regards , Um , but just looking at the numbers , I had to do something different . So I pretty much made a plan to go out on my own . But there was a builder in our church that heard what I was contemplating and offered me a job with his building company . So that's how I got into construction at that time .
Speaker 4Nice I worked for him for one year and then I went on my own , after that as a subcontractor for about four years and then got my license . Hmm , one thing leads to another and you just take the hand , you're dealt and and make the most out of it .
Speaker 2I have a question . It might take us down a rabbit trail . My grandfather always said the best rabbit trail leads to the juiciest carrot . So I think that's sound advice . That's good , good grandpa . Sounds like you guys have gone through wild seasons of high capacity . Did you guys ever experience burnout within ministry or within kind of just seasons of life , and how did ? If you did , how did you navigate that ?
Speaker 4Yeah , that's a good question . So that's who we are right now and that's looking back . We've always been kind of high output people , but not because it's easy . Um , I married a very driven woman , extremely driven . I don't know , I don't know anybody more driven than my wife . She's very driven , which is a great quality .
Speaker 4I wouldn't , I wouldn't change it for the world and I'm not necessarily that way . So you know me , I'm more laid back and , to your point , I need to be doing something . I do , I need to be doing something , but taking in information can be that something . So I like learning , I learning , I like reading , like studying and and diving into things .
Speaker 4Um , but , yeah , I'm to your , to your question about experiencing burnout no , no , I've never felt burnt out , burnout , um , um , you know , I think I think we do recognize when we've been exerting ourselves a lot and and we self medicate by going on trips . Um , and you know our pastor , john Kavari , is is so attuned to that We've just been serving in this body for 26 years and 25 years , um , and he's , he's more about the person than the , than the output or the ministry or whatever you're doing in the church , which is a model I strive to follow is just focusing on the person , and so he , he would never give us something that we can't handle , and I do think that we can handle quite a bit , uh , but you know , there've been times when , when , uh , he was like no , you're going to sabbatical , so six months don't even come to church .
Speaker 2Wow , really .
Speaker 4Yeah .
Speaker 2That is so cool .
Speaker 4Uh and it it wasn't cause we couldn't do it anymore is so cool , and it wasn't because we couldn't do it anymore . It was more like let's keep you healthy , you know , and not steal life away . So I remember , you know it was a few years ago we just took that season to visit other churches and see our friends in other places . That'll keep happening . But , yeah , I mean , there's some self-awareness that you gain over time and you recognize how much you can handle before it's too much . Or you look at your spouse and see how much they can handle before it's too much and you just kind of protect that and do some healthy countermeasures to keep them in a good place .
Speaker 4But full-on burnout , never felt it . Honestly , if anything , I just want to do more in life . Honestly , if anything , I just want to do more in life . Wow , I'm hungry for , for life and purpose and and and making sure that I'm being a good steward with my time and and , uh , using all my gifts appropriately , because I I think we all know that we're not um and I'm okay with that .
Speaker 4I'm not like unsettled about it , I'm not like unpeaceful about it , but at the same time , you know , I think God . So I got into triathlon bike riding a while back . This was around the time my wife was getting her master's and we were both doing it . And when you get in these bike classes , I don't know if you've ever been in a bicycle class at a gym . Ryan , never has .
Speaker 1Ryan never has the .
Speaker 2Lord has not called me to do that Well you could probably .
Speaker 4Skiing is similar to the point I'm about to make . You're in these bike classes and you feel like you're snowboarding similar because snowboarding , snowboarding , okay , yes , yes , yes even more similar . Yeah , I'm a skier , you're a snowboarder , I get it .
Speaker 2There's a difference I can't relate to skiers , sorry we both use our legs .
Speaker 4You use them more , but in these bike , bicycle classes , like you feel , like you're just , your legs are gonna fall off .
Speaker 4And then the instructor just says we're gonna push it up this mountain , this hill for five minutes . Come on , go and you do it and your legs just have this incredible power . It's phenomenal , it's just mind blowing to me how much power your legs have . It's more than you think , because your legs get sore and you're crying , but they have more power than you think they have . And I think that's the same with us In America especially . We live comfortable lives and it's , you know , the perspective is I can't do anymore and I think there's so much more that all of us can do , and I'm not saying like work harder and try harder and make your life miserable or anything like that . Um , but I think . But I also think that we , we , we limit ourselves . You know , we , we almost have this spirit of lack , looking in the mirror , thinking I can't do it . But I mean , if God calls you to it , he's going to get you through it , and there's more there than we think there is .
Speaker 1It sounds like maybe an anointing for knowing how to Sabbath , knowing how to rest well , Because , having not experienced burnout , I feel like you would have to have that . Knowing that your wife is very driven like , how have you guys navigated ? Like how to Sabbath well , how to rest well . Obviously you go on trips but like what is what do those look like ? How do you reconnect with each other , reconnect with the Lord ? Because just externally , looking someone in your position to have not experienced burnout is a real gift .
Speaker 4Yeah , I can see that as a gift and I'm appreciative of it . And it's not it's no shade on on someone who has experienced burnout by any means , because it's a real thing . And you know , for stress to overwhelm you not taken away from that at all . It's , it's a real thing , not taken away from that at all . It's a real thing . You know , we do focus on each other a lot . You know , a lot of my focus is on my wife , a lot of her focus is on me and we are watching out for each other .
Speaker 4Um , we've , we've learned to kind of uh , appreciate the similar things . And so when , when you mentioned Sabbath and rest , um , I mean , sundays have always , have always been a thing in our lives and it's , it's not a it's not a religious thing either . You know you mentioned the house church , as you're , as you're introducing me , ryan , and so you know that I've had some questions about church and religion , uh , in my life and I've kind of gone through that whole process of thinking of how we're doing church . And I'm still not comfortable with how we're doing church in America , what church looks like and what it's perceived to be and things like that . It still doesn't settle right with me . But at the same time , sabbath , you know , sabbath is real and and rest is , is real . And so to find that rest in in whatever way , uh , god is intending that rest to look like in your life , is important , important , and so , uh , we're , we are , our , our attention is , is turned toward , uh , things that are healthy for each other . We , we focus on that heavily , heavily .
Speaker 4And so , when , when we , when we're doing ministry , you know we're , we're fully in it , um , but I would almost say that like it's more of a focus on when we're going to be alone and peaceful together again , um , like , if we're at a weekend retreat and it's friday night through sunday afternoon and we're serving in that ministry , and it's full-on serving , we're setting up food , we're setting up chairs , we're setting up mics and entertaining speakers for the entire weekend , we know that Sunday evening we're in the hot tub , or , or we have a trip plan in a couple of weeks , or , uh , we have a date night planned on Monday night . Um , there's no question that there's , there's literally no question . We're not , we're not going to that ministry thinking there's nothing on the other side of it .
Speaker 4Um , we're focused on each other and and that that is always rest whenever we're together , um , it's always . It's always rebuilding and recharging and and re-energizing . Um . So , if anything , we we rest and re , re-energize more than we give out , or that's the way it feels anyway . Maybe not like minutes and hours , but that's that's how it feels .
Speaker 2I love that . Like how , how did you learn that ? Cause , like I'm I'm 34 and I'm just now tapping into holy cow , I have to have a boundary line , because I will go and go and go , whether it's work or whether it's ministry stuff , and then , all of a sudden , I'm at a breaking point where I'm falling apart because I didn't have the foresight or knowledge to know myself , to know my own spirit , to know what I , my soul , needs , until it's , like , too late and I'm destroying , destroying all the people around me at home . Like , was that a process for y'all to find that , or was it just something like , was it just something that y'all are naturally good at recognizing ?
Speaker 4No , it was a process . It was a process for sure . We've had some really low points in our lives and even in our marriage . Um , I mean 2005 , 2006 . I was only 28 , 29 and we're we're in professional marriage counseling because I'm not understanding her and she's not understanding me . We are like clueless about each other .
Speaker 2Just like speaking different languages and hearing different things .
Speaker 1Yeah , so you all have been married for how long ? At this point , Seven or eight years Seven , eight around that mark , yeah , yeah .
Speaker 4And it wasn't like an itch I mean , you know , a seven-year itch . It wasn't like that . It wasn't like we're not liking each other . We wanted to like each other . But it's like you don't understand me I don't understand you like what is going on ?
Speaker 1you were envisioned for the commitment in marriage , but it's like who is this person ?
Speaker 4yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah and , and I , and I'm thinking I'm , I'm thinking I'm , I'm doing it like I'm , I'm doing what I need to do as a husband , as a father , as a man , as a business owner . I'm like crushing it . I got a new truck . We just sold our house . I'm sitting on cash looking for land to build our dream house not dream house , but our next house , um , cause houses are just a tool To invest . But , but our next house , um , because houses are just a tool to invest .
Speaker 4But that's what I'm thinking , and she's thinking the same thing . Yeah , she's . She's going after the career , and and and and raising boys the girls aren't born yet and and sacrificing this , and and . We're just missing each other , just completely miles away in our , in our thought life , like what's going on with you ? What's going on with you ? We just didn't understand each other . So it wasn't .
Speaker 4It wasn't like we planned to get to a place where we were really caring for each other . It was .
Journey to a Stronger Marriage
Speaker 4It was . There were some hard times , and that was one of them .
Speaker 2Well , what was the biggest takeaway from the counseling that you got like to to move forward ?
Speaker 4Yeah , the biggest thing was appreciating each other , was appreciating each other because what I realized was that in my drive and in my , in my way of of succeeding , I was excluding her . I was just going on with success and yet in my mind it was kind of like success for her and success for kids , success for her and success for kids , success for the house . But in reality I was isolating them and just going after it myself .
Speaker 4You know , if you were to ask me , I would be like no , I'm not I'm not like expecting to take off with with all the success and ditch you , but but what ? What she was reading from it because of the way I was communicating it , um , was that it was all for me . Uh , and that might not be her words for it , but what the the counselor identified was there was a major lack of trust , and the lack of trust was because I wasn't including her on in this path . I was on and and so then we were in this crazy cycle of love and respect wow and it was .
Speaker 4It was hard , it was a really dark time for us . It was a really dark time . How did you ?
Speaker 1how did you bring her into that ? Um , I relate with a lot of what you're saying , like having a vision for success doing the thing , but not being an effective communicator enough to impart that vision to them so that they feel a part of it . What were the steps to ? Hey , this isn't my vision , and maybe it is laying it out and laying some of what you thought was your vision or what you thought was our vision . Laying that aside and reestablishing as a couple . But practically , what did that look like with your wife ?
Speaker 4pretty much ditching everything else . Like forget the success , forget the job , forget the truck , forget the the goals .
Speaker 4Like let it all go away wow wow , if , if it can just be you and it all go away . Wow , um , wow , if , if it can just be you and it , it . It might sound like a heroic thing to do , but it was more like it was more desperation . It was like I don't want all that without you , um , and so forget it all . Like , if if it's all gotta go away for us to be together in this , then so be it . Um , you know , it was kind of a realization of how how dark the path would be if you gain the whole world and lose your wife .
Speaker 4You know , um , because she really was everything to me and I knew it had knowledge , but I wasn't acting like that in real life . Um and so to to turn my heart around and and focus it on her . At that time in life , um , that was the main thing was was just to turn my turn , my heart focus toward her , and that has never left . Um , there were more challenging times we had , but my heart focus toward her , uh as , as never changed since 20 years ago , 2005 .
Speaker 2Yeah , wow , it sounds like you were a good provider , but the Lord wanted you to be a good husband , not just a good provider .
Speaker 4Yeah , yeah , for sure . Yep , I was born and raised to be a provider . That's gosh , darn it . That's what I'm gonna do . Sorry for the bad word there , but yeah , um , I was . I was raised by providers . My dad was a provider . My second dad was a provider who is my uncle , and I call him that because I you know the years on the farm when I was working for my uncle on a dairy farm , he was like a father figure to me .
Speaker 4And he still is Just a life-changing type of person in my life , um , and it's really made me who I am today , both of them . My dad was enough , but I was graced with a second father figure in my uncle , Simon uh , who was a dairy farmer and just just worked hard and paid things off early and built something out of nothing and just persevered and kept on and and uh . So yeah , I was .
Speaker 4I was raised to be a provider , so that was that was in in bread in me , like part ingrained in me , is to be that person .
Speaker 2Wow . So so it sounds like going into marriage . You had this vision to be a provider and then , seven , eight years in marriage , the Lord had to say hey , man , it's more about . It's more than providing , would you say . That's accurate .
Speaker 4For sure . Wow . Yeah , yeah , Forget all the providing If there's nobody to provide for you know . So that turned my focus and it even like flip flopped the ratio Cause then providing was wasn't even the focus anymore . Um , it was something that I could just naturally do , but the focus was her . That was it . Even when it came to parenting , the focus was her . That was it . Even when it came to parenting , the focus was her . Like , I couldn't be a good parent if the focus was her . Wow .
Speaker 1So it's like you said there's . You had a lot of ups and trials and stuff . I'm sure we could a lot more rabbit trails we could go down , but you're here now . You've got two boys that are out of the house , right , two girls that are almost out of the house . The focus is still her , but what is Jesus doing with you right now and what does he have for you ? Yeah , yeah .
Speaker 4That is a good question and I should have been prepped for this more , but , um , and I knew it was coming too . You know , I'm god's good and and he always has new things right . He always has a new word , a new right . He always has a new word , a new um , new vision , and I'm a vision guy . So I just like you know , god , what do you have in this season ?
Speaker 4Um , so I'm looking forward to , to the next season of my life , the 50s . My 50s I'm 47 to be 48 in april . When I'm 50 , my youngest will be graduating high school and I'm just really looking forward to my 50s . Um , at the same time , like I said earlier , I'm going to enjoy this season . I'm not like wishing the rest of my 40s away by any means , um , but I'm really looking forward to what God's going to do next in the , in the coming seasons . I'm going to enjoy the next couple of few years with my girls at home .
Speaker 4Um , I just had a new kind of push to to make some special experiences with my teenage girls . Make some special experiences with my teenage girls . Um , I've been going to hurricanes , games and , uh , going out to eat and you know , every anytime , you know my wife's a great scheduler , so I know what's coming . I know there's a night coming where it's just me and Mailey , or just me and Callie , and I'm going to make the most of that night and and just savor those moments , because soon enough there'll be somebody else's wife and I won't get the sweet times with them that I'll have right now . Um , are you a ?
Speaker 1clean the gun in front of the future prospect kind of guy Am I what ? Clean the gun in front of the future prospect kind of guy Am I what ?
Speaker 4Clean the gun in front of the future prospect kind of guy . In a way , we're definitely picky about . You know , I have vision for a full , well-rounded family with in-law kids one day . Right now we have one daughter-in-law who is my favorite child . Of all five of them she's my favorite , no , they're all my favorites . But I envision a full , well-rounded family where they're all my favorites . But , um , but I envision . I envision a full , well-rounded family where , where they're all the same way .
Speaker 4Um and everybody's gets along , everybody loves each other and it's all hunky dory . You know , I love my siblings deeply and my wife loves her siblings deeply and we love each other's siblings and in-laws deeply . My wife loves her siblings deeply and we love each other's siblings and in-laws deeply . We love every single one of them and we just really prefer them . We give them the benefit of the doubt . I hope that for my own kids , that they give their siblings and the in-laws the benefit of the doubt . And so , while I don't necessarily clean my gun , we are fully invested in their future spouses , fully invested , future spouses , fully invested . So we care and we're not just like , yeah , just go , you know , marry , who you're going to marry . It's more like , no , let's talk about it , let's discuss . You know all the ins and outs of this person you're interested in , and not that it's my decision , by any means , it's your decision , but let's talk about it , let's hear your input . And what do you see in this person ? And is that person really lining up with where God's calling you to go and where is God calling them to go ? Does God have a calling on their lives and does that match up with your calling and can you buy into that ? And so we're .
Speaker 4You know , parenting adult kids . I'm wondering if that is the most critical time of life as a parent your young adult children . I'm wondering Because , if you Google it , it's adolescence . That's the answer . Adolescence is the most critical time to parent your children well , and you can make that argument just about any season . I mean the little kids , zero to three . Okay .
Speaker 1But then three to five is important , but then five to 10 , it's like it's actually all important .
Speaker 4Yeah , yeah , for sure , they're all
Parenting Adult Kids
Speaker 4important . Yeah , um , but it never really dawned on me the importance of parenting adult kids who are out of the house as being that critical and I'm wondering if it's the most because , because they need a , they need a lot of input at that time and help and assistance . Not like it's different , it's very different because you're more of a coach and a resource . It's different , but it's so important and parents cannot let go at that age they can't let go because they're still .
Speaker 4They're still hungry , um , because they want to do the right thing and and and and at that point of life . Hopefully , us parents are resourcefully helpful at that point in life and I'd rather help myself , my , my kids in the resource kind of way at that point in life than at the end of life when they're 50 yeah you know , and I'm giving them an inheritance , but their kids are already having kids .
Speaker 4Like no , I , you know I'm . I'm thinking this is . This is one of the most important parts of life to invest in your kids when they're young adults . Hmm , wow .
Speaker 2Christian . We are at about an hour and five minutes okay , so we only have a couple hours left and a few more bourbon what you're drinking brian , come on man , what dude no
Speaker 4wonder you have good questions .
Speaker 2Did you hear my mom's podcast . No . She said a couple of my friends have chimed in about how funny this was , but I was asking my mom a question or something and she was like well , I don't know , some people still drink . And she looks at me deadpan and I'm like I wanted to take . So is there ? I can ask another question , but I wanted to leave you last five to ten minutes . Is there something you wanted to share , whether it was a story , experience , testimony something you wanted to share being on here ?
Speaker 4hmm , I like you , glad you , glad I met you , warren , love what you're doing here . This is cool , to be honest . It went a way different direction than I thought , and that's awesome . I shouldn't have expected anything different , knowing you , ryan , and just the way the Holy Spirit uses you . It's going to go where he wants it to go .
Speaker 2I receive that . Even though it might be hard , I receive it .
Speaker 4Yeah , appreciate that . Yeah , you know thanks for not bringing up how fast I was going on a snowmobile . And you know God's good . He's done so many good things um in my life and so I want to make sure that I point the attention to , to where the attention is due . And uh , he's really done some good things in my life and uh , and I want to emphasize that it's not come easy and there's been uh , some majorly challenging part , parts of my life um with myself .
Speaker 4Um , you know , I think myself has been the biggest hurdle in my life , not necessarily outside circumstances , but just um , working on myself and trying to refine this broken vessel . And so you know , uh , it's , it's it's been a lot of little ups and downs . I kind of equate it to a roller coaster sometimes , where you kind of go up a little bit and then down a little bit , but not as far down as you went up last time , as you went up last time and so you might be climbing the entire time , but the ups get you higher and higher and higher , and the downs don't get you as low as you've ever been before .
Speaker 4I'm not saying that's true across the board , but that's been a good kind of model for my life , that the lows don't get me back to where I was before , that when I'm dipping I recognize it sooner than I did last time and climb higher than I did last time . So you know God's , god's good and God's faithful , and over time it's you know the whole quick , quick money or rich , quick getting rich quick , um , kind of thing that we all hope for it is .
Speaker 4It is a long and steady . And so you know , I do look back over the last 25 years of being in North Carolina and being under John Kavari's leadership at Conor Christian Fellowship and just so appreciative of what God has done and you know , if there's anything I've done , it's just been steady . You know , just be steady and faithful and not blindly following somebody who's , you know in a cult or something like that . You know , uh , keeping your eyes open , Um , but at the same time following someone and , of course , following the Lord , but also ducking under leadership and faithful to that , has proven to be a fruitful thing in my life . To be a fruitful thing in my life , and again , I didn't see that coming back into the year 2000 .
Speaker 2But looking back , I can definitely see that when did you and your wife start implementing ?
Speaker 4praying together at 5 . Am you know me so well ? It was the year 2015 . How much time do we have ?
Speaker 2as much time as you want alright .
Speaker 4Well , in 2015 we were building our house , we were renovating our house , but we ripped the whole roof off , so we didn't have a ceiling or a roof or anything , just a floor and walls . And in that season it was . It was challenging , it was stressful . We didn't necessarily feel stressed , but sometimes there's stressors on your life that you don't even know are there but you need to recognize . So I'd encourage anybody to look up the major stressors in life , like if you're moving , if you're changing careers , if you're in a new relationship , if you're changing , yeah , um , jobs , location , money , kids , if you have new kids , um , newborns , that kind of thing Um , someone dies . Like there's stressors in your life and you might be able to best at handling them .
Speaker 4We , we kind of let water fall off our ducks back and , uh , so in that season , building a house , we're loving it , we know it's a good thing , but it's a stressor and we don't even realize what's going on and all of a sudden crash and burn . We're like , we're like in a tough place again . Uh , because we're weak , I'm weak , I'm weak , I'm in a stressful spot and and and our marriage is questionable again . It's 10 years ago and it's Christmas and we already had this trip planned to the one thing conference in kansas city that's awesome .
Speaker 4I've been to that conference well , they don't have it anymore . Um , they stopped doing . This is um , this is ihop in kansas city . Um , and before everything else hit the fan , they decided to stop doing this one thing conference , and it was an amazing conference . So we're in the middle of a whirlwind again and we had already booked this trip and so we take our kids and we're done with each other and she's definitely done with me , and we're just kind of going through emotions on this trip . But God really met us there . Corey Russell was speaking and it was on Psalms 91.1 and it was like we had dialed 911 . Wow .
Speaker 4Because our house was burning and it just really spoke to both of us and I was going up front for prayer . Again , we met Corey Russell and it was our house is burning and you do what it takes when your house is burning you go into the fire and you move whatever you got to move to save the family and save your marriage . And , to be honest , my wife was already um in a prayer kind of movement in her life prior to that with ladies in the church and it was more of my awakening at that time that we had to ground our family in our house in prayer At that time , that we had to ground our family in our house in prayer , as our house was half constructed and we're sleeping under the stars almost .
Speaker 2New foundation .
Speaker 4Yeah , our literal house was being built , dude . Our spiritual house , man , yeah , yeah , that almost gets me emotional like prophetically speaking , your roof was becoming a floor yeah your literal roof was now becoming a floor yeah , yeah , our literal roof , because we took the first floor roof off and it was the floor of the second floor .
Speaker 2And it was time to level up .
Speaker 4Yeah .
Speaker 2Wow .
Speaker 4Yeah , and so on , that second floor became our prayer room . Wow . We designed a . We designed off of our bedroom , we designed a 10 by 10 room ish to be our prayer room , to be our prayer room and we , to this day , there's a prophetic piece of art that was drawn or painted at that event at one thing , and it hangs above my prayer chair in that room Ten years later , and that was the time when we made the commitment of waking up at 5 am to pray .
Morning Prayer Routine With Three-Legged Stool
Speaker 4Wow .
Speaker 4Weekdays . Weekdays is when we do it , sometimes Saturday , and then Sunday we do it more of a group prayer , but the weekdays is our wake up at 5am and pray . So we come together every morning in that way and it has been a game changer for sure , just starting our day with God and together that three legged stool .
Speaker 1so amen , wow , and together that three-legged stool , amen .
Speaker 2Wow , christian Olmsted , yeah , olmsted , olmsteds .
Speaker 4OHI .
Speaker 1Ohio , oh , that's your hat . Okay , that was just Ohio . He's from . Ohio ? Nope , he said ohio at some point in the interview .
Speaker 2So nice thanks for being here . Man really appreciate you , appreciate your family , appreciate your time , thank you .
