Speaker 1: 0:00

Hey everyone, this is Chris. I'm Ryan From the Uncommon Path podcast. The scripture, Revelation 12 11 says and they have conquered him by the blood of the lamb and by the word of their testimony.

Speaker 2: 0:11

Our hope is that as you listen, you will be encouraged in the Lord. This podcast was created as an avenue to share people's raw and unfiltered journeys with him. We hope this brings breakthrough and intimacy with Jesus through their testimony of what God is doing through their lives.

Speaker 3: 0:43

So one day I'm singing a song and I'm singing Amazing Grace. So I'm singing Amazing Grace and all of a sudden I end with America the Beautiful. Now how those came along together, I have no idea. They just pop into my head and I just sing these things. And so my housemate, who I rent out and she was funny she walked in. Those songs do not go together. I said I don't think God is troubled with that, god is just grateful. I am worshiping whatever I'm using to worship.

Speaker 1: 1:18

That's right.

Speaker 3: 1:25

That's my funny fact, right? I have others but I can't share. I have a lot of experiences going to retreats. I'll share another one. We go to retreats. I ran into a van and we were coming back from retreat. We stopped to eat and so my friends leave first and I'm paying, because I'm paying the bill, right? Somebody's got to pay before you leave, and so I walk out and I go to this van and I get in the van and I look around and I thought where are they? They're not here. And then I realized I was in somebody else's van.

Speaker 3: 2:02

And I turn around and they're over there laughing.

Speaker 1: 2:08

They saw me getting in the van and they did not yell my name out.

Speaker 3: 2:11

No later they told me they were out there and that they were just saying look at her, look at her, she's in the wrong van I'm telling you I have a lot of experiences. We don't have time to hear them all. The one thing I will ask is that you raise your voice when you speak so that I can hear you clearly.

Speaker 1: 2:31

Okay, that's fair.

Speaker 2: 2:33

I'll do my best. These allergies get me every fall.

Speaker 3: 2:39

Yeah, you have a sore throat, so you're going to have to speak.

Speaker 2: 2:41

Yeah, so I'll do my best to speak up.

Speaker 3: 2:44

You do your best. Speak up, all right, you do your best. I heard the last part. There's no telling what this podcast is gonna wind up like. If I think you're saying a certain question and I answered and it's the wrong answer okay, that's fair.

Speaker 2: 3:00

We're informal here, you know very informal, um, you know, very informal. Thank you for coming. This is a huge treat for me Well, for all of us, because you don't have something to offer, just me. But I've been really, really looking forward to this. I kind of gave you the spiel of what the podcast is about. You've heard one or two episodes. We'll we'll ask you to kind of go back past, present, future, what the Lord's done, and in your past and what he kind of has done presently and what he's got kind of in the future. We roughly have about an hour, hour and a half. We originally said an hour, but just about all of them go to about an hour and a half. But there's no. You know, if you feel like you need to camp out on something, feel free to camp out on it. We can always edit something later on. Chris and I will be asking you the questions. We'll kind of redirect if we feel like it needs to kind of go back or jump forward a little bit. Perfect, I'm going to read your intro real quick. Yeah, yolanda Lopez is here and I'm very excited to have her personally because she is the one who led my mom to the Lord, so I would not be here without you?

Speaker 2: 4:49

Um, you have a BA in education. You have a master's degree in educational administration. You have a doctorate in educational leadership. You? Um cover topics on anger boundaries, spiritual warfare. You developed a ministry at your church called Peel the Onion correct, correct, yes, and you have previous positions as a principal and an executive pastor. And right now you're the spiritual formation pastor at City Church in San Antonio, which is where you live correct, yes, and you're an elder there. You oversee the children's ministry, the youth ministry, small groups, your own ministry, peel the Onion, and spiritual growth classes. How many people go to that church?

Speaker 3: 5:43

Currently we have about 2,200 people that attend. We have three services and then we have a satellite, kind of on campus as well. Interestingly enough, people drive to church to watch it on the screen in our coffee shop.

Speaker 3: 5:59

Oh, wow, and then we have the auditorium, but right now, prior to COVID, we were at 5,000. So we had that, but since then we're now at 22. Also, we birthed two churches. We have a church downtown that was part of us and we let them go on their own because they had their own culture, their own identity, their own flavor. And then another church that we birthed was called. Now it's called Metta Church. Oh wow.

Speaker 2: 6:30

And so we Is that also in the San Antonio area? Yes, both in.

Speaker 3: 6:35

San Antonio Wow.

Speaker 2: 6:37

Yeah, all right. So I'm going to start this podcast off with a story that my mom told me over and over and over again. When people would ask her how she became a Christian, she would say well, I used to be a dental assistant a long time ago and a woman came in there named Yolanda. Came in there, named Yolanda, and asked if I believed in God, and my mom says that she flippantly gave an answer of oh yeah, I believe in God. Yeah, sure. And she said that you, you Yolanda said no, I mean, are you really a Christian? Do you believe in Jesus? Because I've seen things that walk this earth that don't belong here and I've seen spells done to people that are not from this world. And my mom immediately got stopped in her tracks and got saved shortly after that.

Speaker 3: 7:50

I remember your mom crying, started getting teary-eyed because I had asked her the question. There was something there that I knew that God had in her heart, that kept her at a distance, and that's how I met her. I said do you know why I'm here? She said, well, to take care of your teeth. And I said, yes, but also because it's time for you to come home. And she got weepy and later on I heard her story, which is her story to tell about her dad and mom and everything, and it was a pleasure to be able to do that.

Speaker 3: 8:36

I truly believe that God led me to that dentist just for your mother, and spending that time and that journey with your mother as she came to know Christ was an exciting part for me.

Speaker 1: 8:52

It's a beginning.

Speaker 3: 8:54

I always laugh because back then they called us Jesus freaks. In case y'all didn't know that, when you were overzealous about Jesus, they called you a Jesus freak. It was during the Jesus Revolution era, right, and she became even more so than I was and I thought, wow. But again, I don't want to tell her story because that is hers to tell and I guard that. But it was a wonderful journey. One of the things that I learned that I think ultimately brought your mother was that I loved your mother where she was at.

Speaker 2: 9:32

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 9:35

It's the same way that God loved me where I was at my worst.

Speaker 2: 9:41

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 9:42

Is the way that you love people and you don't beat them up because they're not walking the way you think they should walk, but you love them into becoming when you can and if they're ready and your mom was ready it was just a matter of somebody speaking into her life because, ultimately, it's not my responsibility, it's the Holy Spirit's responsibility to touch the hearts and to change them in the same way that he changed mine, and so it's been such a privilege and an honor to have been part of your mom's life.

Speaker 3: 10:16

And still we stay connected, and that is often, but we do.

Speaker 2: 10:19

Yeah, yeah, oh man, it's so, so sweet. Yeah it's, oh, man, it's so, so sweet. I've yeah, I've heard that story over and, over and over again and it's stuck with my mind and so I know that the last time I saw you I was going to a heidi baker conference in san antonio, I guess around yeah, 11 years ago. It was before I got married, so maybe 12 years ago. But yeah, I remember staying at your house just thinking, man, I would not be here if this woman didn't go to this dentist office and take a risk, so wild a risk so wild well.

Speaker 2: 11:12

So let me, let me ask kind of do you mind going back, kind of where you're from yeah, um, because I actually don't know where you are from and then how your journey with the lord started you know uh, I'll start by saying this that I myself myself often sit and am so grateful for where I'm at, based on what I came from, and for me it was such a dramatic change.

Speaker 3: 11:35

So I was born in Waco, texas, grew up in a home of poverty. In fact, my bed was the floor initially until we graduated into high school, and then we shared a bed one bed.

Speaker 2: 11:54

Wow.

Speaker 3: 11:55

More than that is. I was not raised in a religious home, did not hear about God, did not know God, did not know there was a different way of living. I didn't. So you lived what you saw. You lived what you experienced because that's all you knew. And so, growing up in that family, my mother left me with my grandparents, but it was still a hurt inside that, even though it was with my grandparents that knew me, she didn't tell me she was leaving, she just left, and the story that I remember there is.

Speaker 3: 12:37

I was in elementary school must have been about seven years old Then my grandmother asked me to get to Scissors when I got home. I wore pigtails back then and we went out to the front porch and my grandma said your mother's left. She left you here and she took the youngest with her, but she left me and my brother there with my grandparents. She said so I don't have time to take care of your pigtails, to take care of them. We called them something else, and so she cut them off and I've never had long hair since.

Speaker 3: 13:17

It's one of those things that make a difference and you don't realize it when you don't talk to somebody about what's happening. And for me not knowing then, because you don't know when you don't talk to somebody about what's happening. And for me not knowing then, because you don't know. You're too young to understand what's going on in your heart. You just know something and you're hurting, and it is until you are able to begin to understand as an adult that you begin to put pieces together. So, growing up, school was an escape for me. It was a place where I excelled. It was a place where I was affirmed. It was a place where my teachers greeted me with a smile and they encouraged me, and so it's no wonder that I have three degrees. In fact, I often say I'd go back and get another one if I could find somebody to support me Nonetheless.

Speaker 3: 14:16

So, growing up in that environment, I'll share a little bit about the culture, my culture. I'm Hispanic, right, my grandparents were Mexicans, and so we didn't have money to go to the doctor back then. So we went to what we call a curandero, a healer, when we were sick. So they took us to a curandero. If you sprained your ankle, you didn't go to the doctor, you went to a sovandero somebody. He was probably one of the first arastis guys who really put you in pain to make you better. And it wasn't until much later in life that the curandero, who was practicing medicine without a license, was arrested and put in prison. Later on, when I became an adult, but, that's how we live.

Speaker 3: 15:09

The other thing is you mentioned a class that I've taught several times on spiritual warfare. Spiritual warfare for me is teaching people how to understand what's happening out in this world that we can't see, and it wasn't strange for me because of my culture. We knew what it was. We dabbed, we practiced with it. My aunt, who lived in Miami, when I lived in Miami a short time, was involved with the witches coming, and I was exposed to that and part of that first season and along the way, though, I never until later saw God's hand in my life, because it wasn't. You couldn't see where the darkness right, and so, growing up in that environment and everything, it just amazes me that I sit here today. Only God could do that right.

Speaker 2: 16:14

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 16:15

And so realizing that it makes such a big difference. So, growing up, I went to Baylor University and I dropped out the first season. I was on scholastic probation because my life was a mess. I mean, it was a mess. We all have a drug of choice. It's a matter of what we use to numb our pain growing up, right? Some people become addicts. Some people become, you know, whatever relationship addicts. People become addicts. Some people become, you know whatever relationship addicts, food addicts, whatever. To numb that pain that you have inside of you, that you don't even know you have until the Holy Spirit begins to reveal that to you, right? And so, seeing that occur, you know, seeing what was happening, I got into messes all the time, but I was successful at school, so that was a safe place. In all the years that I attended elementary I can't remember but missing one day up through sixth grade, I didn't want to miss a day.

Speaker 3: 17:27

Up through sixth grade, I didn't want to miss a day, and the only reason that I even missed that day is my grandparents were Spanish speakers, so my grandmother needed to go somewhere and she needed somebody to interpret for her. So I'm the person that she chose to go with her, and that happened quite frequently. So, learning along the way and, by the way, just to let you know, my grandparents had 10 kids of their own, and then they took in my brother and myself.

Speaker 1: 17:53

Wow.

Speaker 3: 17:53

So there were 12 of us.

Speaker 2: 17:56

Wow, were they all about your age. We were the youngest group.

Speaker 3: 18:02

There were four of us that were around the same age and we were the younger. We were the uh, the youngest group. There were four of us that were around the same age and we were the youngest one. The others were older and some of them had already. Uh, in fact, they got married very early in life to escape the home and so they married very young it's a way of escape if you don't have another way, right?

Speaker 3: 18:24

So getting into what I saw around me. In fact, one of my aunts was a member of one of the gangs there in our neighborhood. It's funny because the guys were called the Thunderbirds and the girls were called the Thunderbrods. I remember that, but my aunt would not let me join that. She would not Again. God's protection through my aunt, which was really interesting to me, right.

Speaker 2: 18:52

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 18:52

That she would do that, had no knowledge, and so continuing on the journey is the reality that I was hurting. And so I numb my pain, drinking a lot of drugs and relationships didn't matter, just didn't matter. You just wanted to feel the emptiness inside and you didn't even know you were empty, but you knew something was missing. So you try different ways of numbing it. And then I was working at an insurance company later on real quick, real quick did you have some, chris?

Speaker 1: 19:36

I was just wanting to track. Clearly you were academically successful through high school. Go to baylor can okay, you're so you're academically through high school. Go to Baylor Okay, so you're academically through high school, you're doing great. Then you get to Baylor and all the pain catches up to you and then you get on put on academic probation at Baylor, is that right?

Speaker 3: 20:00

Yes, because college life is very different. So in high school I was in accelerated classes, right. So I was the only minority in my classes, I was the only one in poverty in my classes. I was in classes with the lawyers, with the pastor's kids, with all those kids who had no understanding of my life, but I succeeded academically. So I fit in on that end, right. And so, uh, when I, because of all my partying, all my messes, when I went to Baylor, I wasn't ready for that and so I did. But then I came back from Miami and, uh, went to Baylor again, miami and went to Baylor again.

Speaker 2: 20:47

So hold on.

Speaker 3: 20:51

You went to Miami after high school and then came back. I went to Miami after high school to escape my house.

Speaker 2: 20:58

Okay, so your house, I'm assuming, was not a safe place.

Speaker 3: 21:01

No, it was not Okay, my house was not a safe place. No, it was not okay, my house was not, uh, not a safe place. Uh, the reality. I was sexually abused from the age of two until the age of 14. Oh wow and that's part of my story of that occurring where were you?

Speaker 2: 21:19

where your siblings are part of your grandparents kids, were they also abused as well? Is that why they left too?

Speaker 3: 21:27

You didn't speak of those things. You just didn't share those things. Later on, as adults, you begin to talk about those things, because surely you weren't the only one, and that's true, but you don't talk about it. That was something. Interestingly enough. In my home drinking was not allowed, smoking was not allowed, except for my grandmother, because I rolled her cigarettes up for her. She's the only one that could smoke in the house. No smoking, no drinking, but everything else.

Speaker 2: 21:59

Wow.

Speaker 3: 22:00

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 22:02

At this, growing up in this environment and kind of, you know, having witchcraft be introduced to you was there. Was there this thought that God could be good? And if so, was he? Was he only good to the people who, quote unquote, deserved it? Or what was your thought behind who God was?

Speaker 3: 22:32

God was not part of the conversation.

Speaker 2: 22:35

Wow.

Speaker 3: 22:36

He wasn't part of the conversation, he wasn't part of our lives. He didn't exist in our home. So, there was no contradiction, was no. You know, what does god think? We didn't think about god because god was not mentioned wow and so you grow up not knowing any of that. You may play around the church things, but you don't know what that is. You know you may do certain things, but you still don't know, and so those things occurred. Wow, sorry to interrupt you. No, no, you're fine.

Speaker 2: 23:10

So after high school, you went to Miami, yes, and then you went to Baylor, then back to Miami, and then back to Baylor.

Speaker 3: 23:19

No, right after graduation I went to Miami. Okay, I didn't know until later that my brother was hurt, that I left. I didn't tell him I was leaving. I pulled the same thing my mother did, right, I didn't explain to him why I was leaving, but I left to Miami. And then I came back, went to Baylor, got on scholarship probation I mean, got on probation academic probation, thank you, that's the word Academic probation. I mean I got on probation, academic probation, thank you, that's the word Academic probation. And so I quit going to Baylor. I didn't go back to Baylor until I became a believer.

Speaker 2: 23:55

Oh, wow.

Speaker 3: 23:57

So that's part of the story there, right?

Speaker 2: 23:59

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 24:00

So my story in becoming a believer not knowing about God is I ran around with people who said they were Christians, but I didn't see any difference in them. I didn't see anything different. They were like I was. They were struggling, they were drinking, they were doing the same things and yet they said oh yeah, I believe in God. That's not the kind of God I need. I'm not looking for God. If he's your God, then he hadn't done much for you. You're still in the same mess that I'm in, you know.

Speaker 3: 24:38

And so I worked at an insurance company and there was this girl there, pam Pam. I'll give her a quick. Pam Jones was her name and we weren't friends. In fact I didn't like her. I called her internally Miss Goody Two-Shoes because she was different. She didn't behave like everybody else. We'd tell the dirty jokes and she would step back and leave, but didn't ever confront me or say you shouldn't talk that way, you shouldn't do whatever. She would just walk away. But I noticed, and there was a time, that I lost a lot of weight but didn't have the money to buy new clothes. So she offered to alter my clothes. She came to me and she said I see, you've lost a lot of weight. I'll alter your clothes so they can fit, if you let me, and I you would do that. Yeah, I would do that. So I brought some and tried them on in the bathroom and she altered my clothes so that they would fit better, because otherwise I'd be walking around with something to hold my skirt up or whatever, because you didn't wear pants back then.

Speaker 1: 25:54

Wow.

Speaker 3: 25:56

And she did that. So when everything finally hit, when my whole life kind of it was like the last leg of the stool finally was knocked out, she's the one I called, not my friends, not my other co-workers, she's the one I called. And she came to my house and rang the doorbell and she had a Bible up. She said I thought it was safe to bring this. I looked at her and said yeah, because when you're broken, what the heck, what difference does it make?

Speaker 1: 26:39

And she came in Did you have a sense that she had some answers that you needed?

Speaker 3: 26:46

No, I didn't think about that. I just knew she was different. She behaved differently. She treated me differently. She behaved differently. She treated me differently. She expressed love her way, even though I was not kind to her, even though I took my stuff out on her sometimes, by the way that I talked to her.

Speaker 2: 27:13

But, she didn't reciprocate. So it was almost like the Holy Spirit was like guiding you to this woman. Yeah, even though you knew like mentally, cognitively, you were like, well, she probably doesn't have anything to offer me, yeah, but she was a safe place.

Speaker 3: 27:29

Yes, and she treated me kindly. She shouldn't have, I wouldn't have in her shoes at that time. You know, I had a different way of dealing with things back then. You know, back then we always say there was a south side, which in San Antonio is a west side or an east side, and south side doesn't deal with things the way the regular people deal with things. We take care of our stuff in Southside, right, I know it sounds funny, but that's the reality. That's what you learn around you, you know, but she's the one that I call simply because of that.

Speaker 3: 28:15

It was 11-something on a Monday night and she came over and I didn't know until later. She was a little Baptist girl, but she was a little Baptist girl. But she's the first person that I ever shared how I had been hurt, what people had done First person, and she was the first person that I ever shared how I had hurt others, because hurt people hurt people. She's the first person that I ever did that with my own family, didn't know a lot of this stuff, but she was. And at that moment in time what she said to me is you know, what you need is Jesus. Who's this Jesus? And being the little Baptist girl that she was, even though I didn't know it at the time. She pulled out her little card, that salvation card that people used to carry all the time sinner's prayer, and she began to say would you like to believe in Jesus? Would you accept Jesus Christ as your savior into your heart? Now the reality. Did I understand what I was getting into?

Speaker 1: 29:30

Nah.

Speaker 3: 29:32

I had no idea. I just knew if she was offering something kind of like the woman at the well, if you're offering me something that'll fix it, I'll take it. I've tried everything else and it's not working, so let me try this right. And she? By the way, the point of Pam is that when I shared all my stuff as bad as it was, and all this stuff, she never blinked an eye. She never said oh my gosh, I can't believe you did that. She just looked at me with kindness and love and do that. So the minute that when I said that, she said would you like to accept Jesus into your heart? And I said yeah, and so she pulled out that card I'm going to repeat this prayer after me. So, sure enough, I repeated the prayer after her. When I did, it was like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. I can still sense that experience, even sitting here, from my shoulders. I can still sense that experience, even sitting here. And it was the first time that I felt clean, ever felt clean in my life. Wow, first time.

Speaker 3: 30:44

It was that moment in time that things changed for me and I didn't even know what they were going to change or what it was going to look like I just knew that something had happened. Something happened. I couldn't explain it I still can't explain it to this day other than the work of the Holy Spirit. But it did, and so it was late already and we had to go to work the next day. I was sharing with Ryan that I was a big ball player back then Fast pitch at that time right, big ball player and our practice was on Tuesday nights and if you didn't show up for practice, you didn't play.

Speaker 3: 31:22

Well, I always played, that's what I did. But she invited me. The second thing she did, which was good, she invited me to a Bible study Tuesday night and she gave me the address and she said I'm going to leave this Bible with you and we tell new believers to start reading in the book of John. And she said here's the address Come join us tomorrow night at the Bible study. Well, she left, and then I went to my bedroom and shared with Ryan. There I sensed a presence in my room. I hadn't slept for days. I didn't cry because I had developed a real hardness about me.

Speaker 1: 32:09

You hadn't slept at all in days leading up to that you hadn't slept in days.

Speaker 3: 32:16

No, I hadn't because I was restless. It's hard to sleep when I was broken and didn't know what to do?

Speaker 2: 32:23

You were feeling all of this anxiety and stress and whatnot, and you weren't able to sleep.

Speaker 3: 32:35

I felt like a caged animal that night is the reason I called her. I broke stuff in my house trying to get it all out, but couldn't get it out. Ah Wow, that's wild yeah and she's the one they'll call. So she left and then I'm in my bedroom and I sense a presence in my room, peaceful, and I sat up and just sobbed, not cried sobbed. I said I'm so sorry for how I have lived my life. In my spirit I sensed please take my life and do what you want with it.

Speaker 3: 33:15

And it was like the president said I will, and that was it.

Speaker 2: 33:21

Was that the first time you had cried?

Speaker 3: 33:23

Oh, in a long time. Yes, because I always said nobody would ever hurt me, and so I just got mean. I didn't get soft, I just got mean. It's a protection and that's my understanding. That's why I just got mean. It's a protection and that's my understanding. That's why I can help people now. It's a protection.

Speaker 3: 33:42

You know, and she also shared, that when I started reading the Bible I didn't start in the book of John, I started in the book of Genesis. But I understood it. I've always understood the Bible from the very beginning, and that in Genesis he separated the darkness from the light, he separated Yolanda from the darkness. Hold on hold on.

Speaker 2: 34:07

So she said to read in John.

Speaker 3: 34:10

Yes, new believers read the book of John.

Speaker 2: 34:12

But you didn't start there. You started in Genesis and you said because you already knew. How did you already know?

Speaker 3: 34:24

Those are the things that are not understandable, because it's within the Spirit.

Speaker 2: 34:29

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 34:30

Those are things that you can't really explain. You just know because you experience them, and that, for me, is the way that it's been. The good thing about not being brought up in a church. The good thing is, there is no you shouldn't do this or you shouldn't do that. And so when I begin my walk with the Lord is if that's of you, I want it. If it's not of you, I don't want it. But if it's of you, I want it. Wow, whatever it is, I want it. If it's of you, and I've always prayed that prayer. I've always I still to this day pray that prayer. Whatever you want of me, tell me, I will do it.

Speaker 3: 35:18

You know, and my thing for doing things is I want to love people the way that he loved me and loves me still At my worst. He didn't wait for me to get better, he didn't wait for me to get clean, he just loved me. I've never been loved like that and nobody on this earth can love you that way. We put expectations on each other. If you don't meet those expectations, then I withhold my love. He doesn't withhold his love.

Speaker 3: 35:51

He wants to bless us and we don't even realize that, and what he has for us is far more than we could ever dream of. But we're so stuck on what we think we're supposed to do that we forget to just say whatever you want of me, god, I'm here, you know of me, god, I'm here, you know. So, in doing that, just how do you know? How do you know when a person, when you see a person that is spiritually mature, right, or maturing, because we never really arrive at full maturity until we're sitting with Jesus, right, and I think about that? Those are the intangibles, the things you can't explain to people, that don't understand the things of the Spirit.

Speaker 2: 36:47

Man. I resonate with that so much because a lot of times, especially new believers and especially people who come, whether they're new believers or whether they come from a very traditional Baptist Methodist like kind of fill in the blank right Legalistic background, they want which is good, they want the biblical backing for what you feel and why you feel it. And I was actually. I had a conversation with a friend of mine recently who comes from a Baptist background and he was like I just don't understand. I know that I've seen the Lord move in your life and I know that it's from the Lord, but I don't understand how you can just feel something and he can't yet reconcile that. And I don't even have language to explain it either, because it's like well, I don't know, I don't know how to explain it, other than I had an encounter with the Lord. I can't point to you biblically how that fits it, just I know that that's what he did.

Speaker 3: 38:08

And the reality is that it is in the Word, it's there and it's a matter of looking at it, because, I mean, why do we have so many different denominations? Right, because we all have a little change in what we believe and how we do it. Right, the reality is that I believe in the greater body, not just the local church, but that God created the body as a whole. Okay, and we should be working together better than we do. But I think that things of the spirit are there. And as I search the word and I read the word, because one of the experiences that I had that I didn't share is when I hear people say if you will, if you will, believe in Jesus, things will get better. They didn't get better for me initially. When I believed in Jesus, some things as I shared went away overnight. You know, the drinking, the smoking, the, you know some stuff, other stuff, the drug. They went away overnight, 24 hours, and it doesn't happen that way for everybody, because everybody has a different experience, but it happened.

Speaker 3: 39:19

But then there were other things that I could not get free of. They were contrary. There was no recovery program, there was no life recovery, there was no this or that, but the bible, and when the bible I have to, and when the Bible I have to say. When the Bible said I'm supposed to forgive somebody, I said whoa, what do you mean? Forgive, I don't care if that person goes to hell. They hurt me. Why would I want to forgive? And so, along the way, learning that forgiveness is not about them, it's about you. It's about freeing yourself from their power that they hold over you as long as you don't forgive.

Speaker 2: 40:01

That's freedom.

Speaker 3: 40:04

God takes care of that. It's letting go, it's letting God be God in other people's lives. And it took me a while. So I said, okay, god, because God and I have a conversation like we're having here, by the way, just not with you, but anyway and I said, okay, god, do you know my heart? I don't want to forgive. But you say I'm supposed to forgive, so I'll start off, I'll do it, I'll forgive, so I'll start off, I'll do it, I'll forgive. But you know my heart, because he's after the heart, not after your words, right? So I said, okay, so I'm going to forgive him, so I forgive him, I forgive him, I forgive him and did the little prayer that I was supposed to pray.

Speaker 3: 40:51

But forgiveness is a process. It doesn't happen overnight, depending on the depth of the pain that you suffer. So it's a process. So come back later, I have to do it over again. Come back later, I have to do it over again. You know, when I knew that I was totally free from that, the day that I started praying for the person. That's when I knew that I was free. Wow, the person. That's when I knew that I was free. Wow, there's a book called the uh, the body. The body, uh tells, holds the story of something like that.

Speaker 1: 41:27

The body remembers the trauma oh, the body keeps the score. The body keeps the score. Yes, that's it. I've heard of that.

Speaker 3: 41:36

Yes, it's a good book but it's hard reading, right. But the body keeps the score. So I, I come to know jesus and I get a phone call one day from my grandmother saying your grandfather is coming over to the house, your house. My body froze, it just froze and all of a sudden in my spirit I sense you are no longer a child. You're no longer a child and I told my grandmother you tell my grandfather he's not welcomed here. You tell him he's not welcome. That was it Once I did. I was fine, the body kept the score. The body remembered the trauma and it froze at that moment till I realized I was free, I was no longer that child, and that's, that's also the beauty of forgiveness.

Speaker 3: 42:37

You know, john Baker wrote the fact that we develop a rut. It's called, you put it on autopilot. It's your habits, your hurts, it's all there. So when something happens, you immediately react or respond according to that rut, because that's what you've learned when you become a believer. You have to develop a new way of thinking. So you have to develop a new rut, because this one does not go away.

Speaker 3: 43:05

That's the battle, right, that's what it is. So you have to develop a new one, to develop new habits, new way of thinking, so that it can change. To develop new habits, new way of thinking, so that it can change. And you won't change that until you continue to practice the new habits, then you can go into automatic pilot based on your new way of thinking. And so, for me, teaching what I teach and working right now with young adults is you know, guys, you can develop a way of thinking that is contrary to what the world says we're supposed to live like. You can't. The word of God has to be the rudder for your life, not society, not media, not the word of God.

Speaker 2: 43:52

If you will check everything with that, you're in a better place, and so making the difference with that, how many years did it take for you to go from I forgive to starting to pray for that person?

Speaker 3: 44:15

I have to tell you, it probably took a few years maybe two years, three years being deliberate about wanting to be free from that. Because again, here's the deal as well you will never forget what happened, you're not supposed to.

Speaker 2: 44:34

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 44:35

You're not supposed to, because that's part of your story. You help people who have been in the same situation by providing hope for them to know that it's possible that life can be different, in spite of everything that's happened. It can, and so you share that with them along the way. You know, and it's amazing how God transformed your life when you're ready, but you've got to be ready.

Speaker 2: 45:07

Yeah, he's ready.

Speaker 3: 45:09

He's always ready. We just have to be ready to receive whatever he has for us. The thing is, we're stubborn people. We can do it ourselves. I don't need your help, God.

Speaker 2: 45:22

How? So take us through. You met the Lord. You were sobbing on your bed. How take us through that transition of life with? What did discipleship look like with this woman and how did how?

Speaker 3: 45:38

did community integration go okay when I uh, when I went to that bible study, I walked into a new world. So I had to leave my old playground, my old playmates and my old play toys. I entered into this house of a bible study with a Bible teacher Virginia Fletcher was her name. She's passed away since it was in her home and I spent, I want to say, two to three years there under her teaching. I was not part of a local church, but I sat under her teaching and she was an excellent teacher.

Speaker 3: 46:16

I got my foundation of the word of God through her teaching until it was time for me in my spirit, it was time to go find a church. And she spoke to me and said but we don't want you to leave. I said well, here's the deal. You did a good job of teaching and your teaching was that when I felt that the Spirit said it's time for me to do something, I need to be obedient and I felt it's time for me to move. And so I did. And the visitation which is funny I was sharing. I visited different churches, right. So I visited a church over here I'm not even going to mention denominations, but a church over here and with a friend, and I looked at her and said are they believers? She said yes. I said they don't look too happy, you know, that's funny.

Speaker 3: 47:11

Then I went to another church on the opposite end of the scale, you know, jumping on pews and stuff, and I'm going OK, everybody has a way of worshiping, and I'm no judgment here Until I found a church that was kind of in the middle, good, solid, teaching, you know, by the pastors and everything, but learned along the way that there aren't perfect churches. There just aren't perfect churches Because they're led by imperfect people, you know, and. But I never shared. I'm a pastor now, a pastor of spiritual formation. I would have never applied to a church, I would have never applied for a job at a church because of my story.

Speaker 1: 48:00

Right.

Speaker 3: 48:01

Just wouldn't. They had to come get me. So God had to send them after me, because I was a principal at that time, and so the lead pastor and the—.

Speaker 2: 48:16

Now was this real quick. Was this still in Waco? It was in San Antonio. Oh, it was in San Antonio.

Speaker 3: 48:21

When did you?

Speaker 2: 48:22

move to San Antonio.

Speaker 3: 48:23

I moved to San Antonio 23 years ago.

Speaker 2: 48:28

Okay.

Speaker 3: 48:29

At that time, leaving Waco, I was working at the central office of Waco ISD. I was working at the central office of Waco ISD and I knew in my heart that if I didn't move I would die in Waco with my boots on. And I decided I didn't want to die in Waco with my boots on. So I applied in Austin, I applied in Santa.

Speaker 2: 48:55

Fe New Mexico and I applied in San Antonio.

Speaker 3: 49:00

And just for clarity you got saved in W waco. I got saved in waco.

Speaker 3: 49:01

Yes, okay it was okay and you lived in waco for a time and then, okay, I understand, uh in fact I, when I, after I, became a believer, I went back to baylor university, okay, and then I was on the dean's list each summit, each term. So you again, we got going back to why I love school. But I was on the dean's list after that Before. Then again, because of my life and the mess it was in, I didn't apply. But here's the deal as well In going to school, I was working three jobs, wow, and going to school.

Speaker 3: 49:42

I was working three jobs, wow, and going to school full time. So I would pray and I say, okay, god, you know that I need to work these jobs because otherwise you're going to have to provide some money. So, since you're not providing money any other way, you've given me the jobs. I got three jobs. So I need good retention of the content that's being taught and then I need to be able to spew it out when it's test time. You know, that was my prayer. I'm just promise and everything.

Speaker 3: 50:07

So I would have a job in between classes at baylor and then I would go work at the insurance company uh, that initially hired me and they gave me the keys. So I was working there by myself, they gave me the key to the place and I would go in there, work and then leaving there, then I would go downtown to work at another insurance company and then I'd go home, so there wasn't a whole lot of time to study. God was always faithful to meet my needs. So, yeah, wow Needs not to meet my needs, wow Needs not wants my needs.

Speaker 2: 50:40

Now did you get your BA, your MA and your doctorates at Baylor?

Speaker 3: 50:45

Yes, I did, and then I became adjunct professor there at Baylor. Wow really yeah. I became an adjunct professor at Baylor, Came to San Antonio, became an adjunct professor at Concordia Luther here, as well. So yeah, now when I came to work for the church, I didn't have time to go teach anything else To keep you busy.

Speaker 1: 51:08

What did you teach in university? I taught in Waco.

Speaker 3: 51:10

at Baylor I taught bilingual education at master's level. At Baylor I taught bilingual education a master's level and then here at Concordia I taught a master level class again in multicultural education. That's what I taught and did that for a season until I came to work for the church.

Speaker 2: 51:31

Wow.

Speaker 3: 51:32

So jumping back into your story, you started going to this church and tell us how you got invited to be on staff and kind of what happened there. You know, that was a funny story too, because I was going to a smaller church and I would drive by this church but it looked like a barbecue place because of their sign. Their sign was a big oval with orange letters and I thought I wonder if that's a restaurant. I'll have to try it sometime. Until one day I drove by and I saw these cute animals outside one of the buildings. I said, oh, that's a kid's place there. So I started attending church there, but I was on the finance committee of the other small church it was, part of which was unheard of because it was a Hispanic Baptist church and women normally don't have places of leadership.

Speaker 2: 52:25

Oh, wow.

Speaker 3: 52:26

But the men in the group said, no, they wanted me to be part of it. So I was. And that's the position there, where if they asked me to pray, I would look at my pastor for my pastor's permission to pray. Yeah, wow, and my church, we don't have to do that. But at that church, out of respect for the denomination, out of respect for my pastor, I would look at him and he would nod and I would pray. You know, wow.

Speaker 3: 52:52

And then I started going to City Church, which at that time was called Bandera, brcc, bandera Road Community Church.

Speaker 3: 53:01

But I thought it was and I decided I was felt drawn to that church and so I made an appointment with a spiritual formation pastor at the time and I went in with my suit and my heels and my badge and the hook because I went from work. And I went in and she thought I was here for counseling and I said, no, I was just wondering how I could get involved in the church. And she said well, you can help with the Friday night group if you want. She said, but you have to be an intern for a year. And I thought to myself okay, I've spoken to thousands, I've spoken to you, but that's okay. God knows what he's doing. Okay, and what do you want me to do? Pass out the bulletins and make coffee? Okay, that'll be fine. I never made coffee before because I wasn't a coffee drinker at the time, and so I would show up as a volunteer set up, be there to greet people and pass out the bulletin.

Speaker 2: 54:03

This was all because the Lord told you to go to this church. That church, yes.

Speaker 3: 54:08

And so I go in, and the thing that used to frustrate me the most as a volunteer is I couldn't find an extension cord. It's all gone, and each time I'm having to look everywhere for an extension cord. So I went to Lowe's and I bought myself two extension cords and put them in my car, so that when I went to go make coffee.

Speaker 3: 54:31

I had the extension cords, anyway, so got started doing that. And Pastor Miriam, what's her name. She asked me if I would like to teach one of the topics and I said yeah, I would. So I taught on the butterfly effect, how one thing here affects something else on the other side, and afterwards then she said oh, you want to teach more often? I said yeah. I said I don't mind at all Because I love teaching. That's part of my gifting. Two things I've learned.

Speaker 3: 55:02

Spiritual gifts, by the way, is another topic that I teach. We all have a gift when we believe in Jesus. We all have talents before Jesus, but we have spiritual gifts after we believe in Jesus. So you at least have one, but you can have more than one, and so teaching is one of mine, and so I love teaching. And so she asked me to do that and I did Pretty soon. She said would you like to run the program? Okay, as a volunteer, mind you. All right, I'm on paid staff and I did no problem because that's my, what I felt, god's opening door. I have always walked through doors that were open Because I always prayed God. If the door that is open is not the one you want me to walk through. Please shut it, otherwise I'm walking through it, you know. And so we did that and, uh, I helped her out with that and, yeah, it was a time of growth for me along the way Still wasn't perfect, still not perfect, you know, uh, along the way.

Speaker 3: 56:11

And then she came by and she said by the way, would you be willing to be dominated as an elder of the church? What does an elder do? She explained to me. I said OK, and so she left and then later on she came by. She said are you a member of the church? Because they had membership back then. They don't now, but they had membership, and she said. I said, do you have to be a member? She said, well, yes. I said, no, I'm not a member. I've been volunteering, I've been doing others, but I wasn't a member. And she said, well, there's a membership class coming up, go attend. So then I was there and I became an elder of the church. So I'm still an elder today.

Speaker 3: 56:57

I got off for a while, but then they asked me to come back and so, anyway, becoming an elder, and then she mentioned my name to the lead pastor. They needed an executive pastor, and so they took me out to lunch. They asked me if I wanted to go out to lunch and offered me a job, and I said well, I need to share my story with you and after you hear my story, if the job offer is still there, I will definitely pray about it, and because I don't want any surprises to come up later on and you not be aware of it. So I shared my story with them. Be aware of it. So I shared my story with them.

Speaker 3: 57:36

One question he did ask, I remember he said you see that used car dealership over there and I said yeah. He said could you lead that used car leadership? Absolutely, but you don't know anything about cars. I don't need to. I know how to lead. I'd find the people who did know. You know Leader doesn't need to know everything about the thing, they just need to know the resources, where to get them and where to learn. I'm a Googler, by the way. I Google all this stuff.

Speaker 3: 58:05

And so after they heard my story, they said no, you're exactly the type of person we would like to come work for us. So I came in as executive pastor and then, a couple of years later, there was going to be a transition at the church and the young woman that I mentored came in and took my position as executive pastor. Oh wow, I said I knew you would be coming, but not this soon. But she came in and I said, but not a problem, you do what you need to do, you know. You just let me know. And so that occurred. And, uh, she was there for a season. Uh, she's no longer with us, but she was there for the, for the season that she needed to be there, which God removed me from, which was a good thing. So later on they came back and they asked me if I would do the spiritual formation piece and I said, yeah, so I'm currently the spiritual formation pastor.

Speaker 2: 59:06

Tell if you don't mind share a little bit about just a couple, just a minute or two, about kind of the people that your church attracts. I found that really fascinating when you told me that a long time ago and then recently. Okay.

Speaker 3: 59:24

First of all, my story. I would not share at any church, at most churches. This church, I share my story. Not all of it is needed. As God leads, I share my story. Not all of it is needed. It's God leads, I share. And we draw people from all walks of life, just all walks. We're a church that somebody can walk up to you on a Sunday out at the plaza and said I'm an addict, do you have anything to help me? Yeah, we do, but not right now. Go to church and then we'll come back later and we'll share with you what we have available to help you. And doing that.

Speaker 3: 1:00:05

So, part of the development, we had a program in place already, but it didn't address certain things that I thought needed to be addressed, which for me were the mother wound in our lives and the father wound in our lives and also what we term soul ties, unhealthy connections with people that are detrimental to us in our walk, that we tend to hang on to because of our story. Think about that. And so I think, in doing those pieces, that it worked well in doing that piece, but I developed a program that included those pieces because the curriculum we were using and I'm a curriculum writer was fine. I understood they developed a curriculum. It was successful, it was being used in thousands of churches and so you had to use it. And if you used their name, it had to be what they had. I agreed they were right and so I had to develop my own to add those pieces that I thought were needed for our people Okay, and when I say our people, the people that we draw. So the program exploded after COVID. During COVID, because it opened up where we had to do it online, and so it began to draw people from all over.

Speaker 3: 1:01:35

So it's a God thing. My prayer had been the prayer of Jeves. God enlarged the tent. So I went, and God enlarged the tent Bring those that you want to bring for healing and hope. And it was really funny. But then I had to go back and pray. But God, bring the workers as well, bring the people that are going to help get this done right.

Speaker 3: 1:01:59

And so it did, and I've seen God's hand just move of the program that we have and I'm not program specific but because of the work that God has done in my life is the people that lead this program are volunteers other than myself, but we know how to. We've been in the pit, we've been in the mess, but we know how to get out of it because God helped us and that's what we provide for others right. And so even right now we have a program going on and we're serving 150-something or 60-something people through this program. Out of this program not just the program our church as a whole. I'd say about 45% come to our church. Another 20-something percent go to other churches that don't have a program like ours. The other 20-something don't even go to church at all.

Speaker 1: 1:02:57

Oh, wow.

Speaker 3: 1:02:58

They don't have to. I had during one of the orientations. I had a young man say but I don't even believe in God, you don't have to believe in God. They looked at me and you don't have to believe it. No, it'll help you. Now we also know that, as God transforms lives, that at the end people begin to believe in Jesus because of the changes that occur in the stories they hear. Our last retreat we had 48 people believe in Jesus. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:03:30

Wow.

Speaker 3: 1:03:31

We baptize over 200 and something people per year, almost at 300, at our church, because it's for people that are far from God, people that have left the church, people that don't even know. We accept you where you're at in your journey, whether you believe or agree with us or not, but we want to be part of your journey, if you'll let us, and we draw, and so we draw. Anybody is welcome. You know, I had this young gay couple come and they went through the program and everything and we were talking and they invited me out to lunch and so I said, sure, yeah, let's go. So you know, we went out to lunch and sat down and said well, we want to know if you are a gay affirming church. I said, before I answer that question, let me ask you a question, a couple of questions.

Speaker 3: 1:04:26

Why did you come to our church? There are a lot of churches out there that are gay affirming. Why did you come to our church? Well, because we felt loved, welcomed, okay, and also because she said, and because we started giving and I don't want to give to a church that is not gay affirming I said, no, whether you give it or not is between you and God, it is between you and God. But let me ask you where are you growing spiritually? Well, there, yeah. Why are you still there? Well, because we're growing and things have changed, yeah, okay. So now let me answer your question Are we a gay-affirming church? No, we're not, but we're accepting. We take you where you're at in your journey, because I go back to the very fact it's not my responsibility to save people, it's God's responsibility. It is the work of the Holy Spirit that changes people not Yolanda, all I am, I'm the one that's supposed to plant the seeds.

Speaker 3: 1:05:33

I'm the one that's supposed to speak the truth. I'm the one that's supposed to speak the truth. Whether it's accepted or not is not the issue. I have to speak truth, but I can love you if you don't agree. I can care for you if we don't agree, and they know that. And so you know again. We go back to why. Because, that's how he loved me. That's the beginning, and when you experience that love, you're compelled to share that love with others Is it always perfect.

Speaker 1: 1:06:08

Heavens no. Yeah, you know you. Not affirming their orientation and their lifestyle does not affect your ability to love them as people and for them to experience God there.

Speaker 3: 1:06:20

Yeah, they know when you're real and when you're not. That's right.

Speaker 1: 1:06:24

Yeah, the proof is in the pudding. I love how you were just like well, why are you here and why are you still here?

Speaker 3: 1:06:31

Yeah, and that's the whole thing. And I'm still connected with them. And in fact, one of them lost her job and her partner asked me would you take her out to lunch? And you know I said, yeah, I will, I'll call her and I'll take her out to lunch, you know, and stuff. Because, again, but here's the deal Do I believe you can be a believer and still walk away from God and live a different life? Yes, I do. I think many of us in our walk I don't think in there anywhere that I read in the Bible that it said you had to wait and change before you believed in Jesus. You believe in Jesus. You believe in Jesus. Then God begins to transforming, changing you, transformation, and that's the program, by the way. It's transformation.

Speaker 2: 1:07:25

It is biblically based.

Speaker 3: 1:07:27

We just don't use a whole lot of scripture because we serve a whole lot of people that don't understand there. They're not there yet. But we do say unapologetically it is a Bible-based program, but you can benefit from it, right, and so that's why I think another God moves in the hearts of his people, where we were able to see so many people come to believe in Jesus and we're not about. In my day and age we were called Bible thumpers as well. You carried a big old Bible and you would thump people right now to believe in Jesus.

Speaker 1: 1:08:06

Yolanda, I've thought about this often. But how do you balance at your church having addicts and people who are still in their messes gay couples, stuff that that and normal Bible-believing Christian families with young kids and all the dichotomy there of having both at the same church at the same Sunday morning?

Speaker 3: 1:08:41

Because we teach our people. We teach our people that that's what we're about, that we were meant to help others, that we were meant to love others where they're at in their journey, that we're meant to do that and that we do not apologize for being the church we are, even though others may not agree with us. We have just seen God work through that. We're not a perfect church either there's no such thing right but seeing him. So we have people from all walks of life. We're a very diverse church. It's changed a lot since the very beginning very diverse, uh, ethnically and also age-wise, very diverse. We're san antonio, so you would you would expect a high number of hispanics, for certain, but we're also a military town and so you get a lot of different uh things.

Speaker 3: 1:09:35

So balancing is teaching your people how we're to love one another, regardless how to treat one another. But we still speak truth, so we will still preach the truth, in the same way that I still spoke truth to this young couple. We're saying I don't believe that's God's best for you. You're asking me, so I'm telling you't believe that's God's best for you. You're asking me, so I'm telling you it's not God's best for you but, does he love you anyway?

Speaker 3: 1:10:02

yeah, but it's not God's best, but also it's not my responsibility to change them right. But I do speak truth. I cannot not speak truth, even in my words. I have to tell you what I believe those scriptures say.

Speaker 1: 1:10:21

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 1:10:22

And I also push that you need to study for yourself. Just don't take what people say to you. So we offer classes for them to learn. Right now, my target not a target, but working with the young adults in our church to provide them a place, because, more than anything, they're bombarded man from everywhere. In our day and age we didn't have all the media, all this other stuff. We still had the same junk, but not in a different way, but now it's everywhere you know. So trying to help them, make sure to make the right decisions, teaching them the truth. But they're at a stage of life again and I remember my age.

Speaker 3: 1:11:09

I came to know the Lord in my 20s, right, so it's been a long journey. And telling them yeah, you're going to fall along the way because you're trying to learn how to walk a different walk. But that's okay, get up. God's not up there with a baseball bat, you know, ready to hit you when you mess up. He's saying come on, get up, don't stay down, get up and keep walking, he said. That's why he said if you confess your sins, he's faithful and just to forgive you. But it's got to be a hard thing, not a head thing. You confess, not because you got caught, but because you truly are feeling remorseful, convicted of the Holy Spirit. Then you keep moving on and I said, as a church, it's our responsibility to help you do that walk so when you mess up.

Speaker 3: 1:11:57

So that's why they're free to share their story. They're honest. We provide a safe space where, man, if you could hear some of the stories my story we got a lot of other stories like mine even more so but for the first time they're sharing it in a place they feel safe and not judged. That's important. Others might go oh my gosh, I can't believe it. Oh, wow, no, here the leaders have been in the pit in their own messes, so we don't have the right to say, oh whoa, I got my own junk, and so we see them being open and honest. For those that stay not everybody stays because it's a hard thing to begin looking. We're not looking out, we're looking in. Oh Lord, search my heart and know me, and if there's any wicked way in me, right?

Speaker 3: 1:12:51

And that's what they're having to do to look at their heart, not at their wife, not at their husband husband, not at their children, but at their own heart. What is there that needs to be dealt with that god's holy spirit needs to deal with you about, you know, and so, uh, we provide them an opportunity, gender specific, you know, and we have a. Have Brazil started a program? We've got one in South Africa now.

Speaker 2: 1:13:20

Oh, wow.

Speaker 3: 1:13:20

And we have one in California, we have one in Nebraska, indiana. I didn't ask for any of that.

Speaker 2: 1:13:29

So this is from Onion right, this is from your program that you developed. Yes, and I guess the different churches are adopting your program. Okay.

Speaker 3: 1:13:42

Yeah, california we have one. They only do it once a year. They have a waiting list. They said but she said, but we just can't do more than that.

Speaker 2: 1:13:50

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 1:13:51

They said if you need to, they can join our Zoom group, because we have a Zoom group where we have people from out of state that join that as well, and my pastor led a couple of groups through that for pastors.

Speaker 2: 1:14:06

Wow, yeah. So is there any type of redemption stories for your own family? Are you still connected with your brother? Have you lost contact with that, with everyone that was living in the house, with your grandparents? Did you ever reconnect with your mom?

Speaker 3: 1:14:31

No, my birth mother died several years ago, but I never really met her. So, my birth mother, I never met her. I have no family. Pretty much I have a couple of uncles, but we're not connected in any way.

Speaker 3: 1:14:46

One of the things fear was a big issue with me for a long time. One of the things that I said to God was you know, so I don't have family, so what's going to happen now? Who's going to be there when I need? And God reminded me that he's always been there for me, he's always provided for me and he's provided a circle of friends for me everywhere I've been. And so that again, he's God. He knows what he needs to do. And sometimes family is not the healthiest place to be either, you know, and when they were living, I was going. I would limit my time simply because I knew that if I didn't, it'd, you know, blow up along the way. So you learn how to. In the spiritual world we call it discernment. In the non-spiritual world we call developing little antenna radar of sensing something's fixing to happen. But, yeah, no contact. But Mary is one of my close friends. I have some other close friends, but it's a tight circle. Everybody else is people that I minister to on a regular basis.

Speaker 1: 1:15:58

For the listeners. Mary is a friend who just came with you today, who's hanging out upstairs yeah yeah, if you're concerned that alanda doesn't have family, she has super close friends that come with her to a podcast yes, yeah, true. What percentage of people do you think need to go through something like Onion?

Speaker 3: 1:16:20

A hundred. If you are breathing. If you are breathing and you're an adult, you've gone through some type of hurt. We're not there to compare stories. We're there to deal with our own stuff. Our staff is asked to go through this program, so that means our pastors have to go through this program because we believe that everybody has stuff that they haven't dealt with along the way. And my only pastor admits and shares in the church that he went through it and how much he gained and what he learned, even though he was raised in a, in a christian home, had good parents, everything.

Speaker 3: 1:17:07

But there are things along the way that life throws at us, right yeah and we have hurt some people that have hurt us, friends that have hurt us, friends that have hurt us, or we've hurt others, and a lot of times we don't understand why we're hurting others, because we don't connect the dots. Most of our hurt came from our childhood and we are reacting to things today based on what happened to us back there, because the body keeps the score on what happened to us back there, because the body keeps its score.

Speaker 1: 1:17:37

So what would you tell somebody who's like you were when you said, before the last leg of the stool kicked out, you're trying to numb the pain and you're looking in the wrong direction. You're seeking out the wrong sources of comfort. What?

Speaker 3: 1:18:00

would you tell somebody like that, somebody that's numbing their pain, or yeah one of the things I will share, the uh.

Speaker 3: 1:18:08

One of the pastors that worked for us used to come walk by the pavilion before she came on staff and I used to say when are you joining the pavilion? Before she came on staff and I used to say when are you joining the PTO program? Ah, I don't need the PTO program. Each time she'd see me I'd say where are you? Nah, I don't need it. And she preached one Sunday weekend and she told them, said yeah, every time I walked by Yolanda, I knew she was fixing to ask me. And she would think what does that crazy woman think that I need recovery? Do I need PTO? Well, she finally went through it and realized why she needed it.

Speaker 3: 1:18:44

But numbing your pain is what we do, and we tend to do it. And so for them I would say not everybody's ready for it. And some people have to come back a second time because they realize they only dealt with that first layer. So we call it layers. Okay, your shame, your guilt, your fears, your sexual behavior, you know, uh, your sexual abuse or abuse.

Speaker 3: 1:19:11

Those types of topics are what we deal with. They're hard topics and not everybody's ready to deal with that. You know, I've been at retreats where men, for the first time ever, have admitted they've been abused sexually. You know, and I'm part of that story because they said, and I've watched God transform their lives, when they're finally able to admit that, right, I mean, think about it. It's hard enough. Women tend to be more expressive than men, but when the men do that, you know, and it brings, because it carry a lot of shame the same way that women do. We just think we're different, we handle it differently. So numbing again, you know, um, that's part of what we do, so we don't hurt I like what.

Speaker 2: 1:20:00

I like what you said.

Speaker 2: 1:20:01

You said, if you're, you might not be ready right I think that's really crucial because there's there are there are some people that the. This is a funny story that I think all of us will appreciate, but one of my friends got asked to speak at a retreat recently and he shared a table with a gentleman or something and he was asking him hey, what did the Lord speak? What do you think God is speaking? And he said this guy was lost, lost, lost right. And he said the guy was like well, I'm sleeping with my girlfriend and I look at you know, I'm sure there were other things I can't remember if he was also looking at porn or whatever but he's like I don't feel like the lord really told me to quit any of that stuff. What I really felt like the lord told me to quit is cocaine. I was like I started laughing and I was like it's kind of cool that the lord has grabbed his heart like great first step yeah it's a first step like.

Speaker 2: 1:21:13

That's the. That's what the journey looks like. Sometimes it's like it like you can't turn it over, all you know.

Speaker 3: 1:21:19

Yeah, overnight it brought up the story about one one guy who's one of our leaders uh, group leaders is. He walked into the church for the first time and he had cocaine in his pocket right, and so he went into the service and the music started. He just started weeping, just weeping, and on the way out he said he threw away his cocaine and then he started coming, and then he went through the program and then now he's one of our main leaders and everything with his story.

Speaker 3: 1:21:53

That's why you have to take people where they're at story you. Just that's why you have to take people where they're at you, you, if you really care about somebody, you pray for them and allow the Holy Spirit to do the work in them to prepare the soil to receive the truth. Because beating them with the word of God and using the word of God well, you shouldn't, because this, no, First of all, God died for them, right, he died for them.

Speaker 2: 1:22:22

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 1:22:23

What more. He didn't say get rid of that and then I'll die for you, or I'll love you when you get right or when you do this. No, I love you now. I love you with all your mess. I love you with the cocaine in your pocket. I love you when you're sleeping around, when you shouldn't be sleeping around. I love you when you're having an affair. I love you, period, because I want more for you and you don't even know it and the Holy Spirit has to work that in you. And yet we see so many. I mean, even in Jesus's day, right when the teaching got harder, many walked away and he turned away and he asked his disciples will you leave me? Also? That's a question I came to as well, by the way. If I can share one more, sure I have one more.

Speaker 2: 1:23:12

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 1:23:19

That time came because we all have those dark days of the soul from time to time. Right, and will you leave me? Also, where would I go? I'm like the disciples. Where would I go? If this isn't it, what else is there?

Speaker 3: 1:23:31

nothing yeah so the other one was the story I shared it that in in my journey and my walking. It's a difficult walk to be transformed. You know it's not easy. You fall a lot along the way but you get up and keep moving. But one day I came home. I can't live this life, god. I just can't do it. I just cannot live this life. I had my Bible in my hand. I threw it up against the wall. Just threw my Bible up against the wall. Can't do it. I tried, just can't. Then I got convicted that I threw the Bible up against the wall.

Speaker 3: 1:24:07

So I went over there and picked up the Bible, fell open to Joshua. The scripture that my eyes hit on was choose you this day. Choose you this day, which God you will serve. Now I was already a believer. For me, that word said, yolanda, in my spirit, you can go back to the way you lived before. You can go right back to it, but you make a decision today. I was already saved.

Speaker 1: 1:24:40

Sure.

Speaker 3: 1:24:41

But I had to make a decision whether or not I was going to live out what he said and, as you can tell, I'm sitting in this chair today. So that was my decision. Not without his church, not without people continuing to do things, say things, and you just sit there and let him take care of things for you. He's good.

Speaker 1: 1:25:05

That's good. Yeah, you can be saved, but you gotta choose who you're gonna live for how you're gonna live your life. Yeah, you can be saved and live a worthless life all the way to death. Yep and probably regret it of your life.

Speaker 3: 1:25:18

You can be saved and live a worthless life all the way to death.

Speaker 1: 1:25:20

Yep, and probably regret it when you're in heaven.

Speaker 2: 1:25:23

but yeah, yolanda, thank you so much for being here.

Speaker 3: 1:25:30

Oh, thank you for having me here. It's a bit of joy.

Speaker 2: 1:25:34

You flew all the way out from San Antonio, yeah Wow, from here we're going bit of joy. You flew all the way out from San Antonio, yeah Wow.

Speaker 3: 1:25:38

From here we're going to Camden to visit a friend, Then we'll fly out from there. But it's been good guys. It gives me a chance. It's given me a chance to be able to share my story again of what Jesus has done in my life. I wouldn't want it any other way. Right, make a difference, I told Ryan. I said if I was going to be buried, of which I'm going to be cremated, to save the load off my friends, but the sign would say she made a difference, that's all. That's all we need. Whether she made a difference with one person or many, it doesn't matter. It just didn't matter, matter. And he says I do thank you.

Speaker 1: 1:26:23

Thank you so much, thanks for being here. Thank you.