Speaker 1: 0:00

Hey everyone, this is Chris. I'm Ryan From the Uncommon Path podcast. The scripture, Revelation 12 11 says and they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony.

Speaker 2: 0:11

Our hope is that as you listen, you will be encouraged in the Lord. This podcast was created as an avenue to share people's raw and unfiltered journeys with him. We hope this brings breakthrough and intimacy with Jesus through their testimony of what God is doing through their lives. Welcome to the Uncommon Path. Jeremiah man, it's such a privilege having you here. I was privy to hearing your story. What was it? Two?

Speaker 3: 0:51

years ago, I think three.

Speaker 2: 0:53

Three, yeah, three years ago, wow, and you flew all the way from Wyoming Mm-hmm. You were in the Navy for a while, you were in Highway Patrol for a while, you were in highway patrol for a while. Now you're in ministry full time. Um, give us insight into kind of kind of the history of that, and we I kind of shared this with you before and you heard in our previous podcasts we want to get kind of a history of where your path with the Lord started, where it is currently and what he's got on the horizon for you, what you're learning.

Speaker 2: 1:39

We don't have to stick to anything strictly, it's just kind of a guideline. Don't have to stick to anything strictly, it's just kind of a guideline. So if the Lord takes you, you know, pivots certain areas of your testimony or certain areas of what he's laid on your heart, feel free to kind of camp out there and Chris and I will kind of guide you with questions. We might, you know, say, hey, let's go back to this. Or, um, ask you another deeper question on something that you've shared, to kind of get your thoughts on, or to kind of hear your process and, um, how Lord kind of met you in those areas. So, um again, we can edit everything, anything out. Um, but yeah, would you share a fact about yourself that nobody knows?

Speaker 3: 2:28

man, just put me on the spot right away. Um, that nobody knows. It can be a funny story. It can be well. How long you've been married? Uh, I am actually. This october 4, will be 20 years, by God's grace. That's awesome. Yeah, 20 years we're going to celebrate it on the 5th.

Speaker 1: 2:52

That's quite the accomplishment. So if you have a fact that your wife of 20 years doesn't know, I will be impressed.

Speaker 3: 3:00

She knows everything about me.

Speaker 2: 3:02

That's what I'm saying she knows everything.

Speaker 3: 3:09

That's what I'm saying. I mean, I and you know, ryan, like, yeah, um, like the one thing that you've always said about me when you met me is just the realness and the rawness of who I am. So I'm, I am a pretty open book. There's nothing that's really hidden from anybody. You know, I know my kids this is one thing um, my kids and my wife always give me a hard time because, almost every night, like I'm always taking pictures of sunrises or sunsets, like I love doing doing that, and the reason behind it is because that is where I can see God's beauty the way he paints the sky and the colors and the way it looks Um.

Speaker 3: 3:57

So that is one fact about me. Maybe not a lot of people know, but my kids and my wife definitely know Because I think I was looking the other day. We have like 26,000 pictures on our phone and I will guarantee probably there might be 3,000 sunset pictures.

Speaker 1: 4:18

That's awesome. There's so many man, Are they pretty good out in Wyoming Beautiful.

Speaker 3: 4:24

Beautiful, beautiful. I'm talking, I have had it drop me to my knees to worship God. Beautiful, wow. What part of Wyoming are you in? We're in a small town called Torrington. It's about an hour and 15 minutes northeast of Cheyenne, so we're like right on the border of Nebraska, but it's more of like a high desert type, like uh atmosphere um not many trees um lots of sagebrush and you know things like that and dry ground and sand blowing all over the place like I was telling ryan like um, sometimes you get gusts, like you know, or just steady winds at like 65 miles an hour you know, so it uh that's crazy.

Speaker 3: 5:18

And try digging a hundred foot trench and you're out there laying like a sewer line and a water line and just dirt and grit is all in your teeth and in your ears and you're just mad at the world. Looking at your father-in-law like why are we doing this right now, like I guess I was being bougie. He's like shut up, keep working you know type so when else is it gonna get done?

Speaker 3: 5:44

you know so that's hilarious but yeah, I would say the, the, the pictures of, like sunset and sunrises and things like that I love that answer.

Speaker 2: 5:54

That was awesome. All right, where did so? Where? Where did your journey with the lord start? Where are you originally from, kind of grew up? Um, was there a background and like who god was? Um, was it more of like a boss mentality of how you perceived god, or was it more of a relationship aspect, like how did that start for you?

Speaker 3: 6:17

well, I grew up in bakersfield, california, about 100 miles north LA, and I actually grew up in a Christian family. You know I had mom and dad uh, still married, still alive?

Speaker 3: 6:32

Uh, obviously, if they're still married, but uh uh, had a sister that was two years older than me, um, but we were raised in a Christian home. You know the standard. We were church on Sunday mornings and evenings and Wednesdays, and you know my parents, at a period of time, did youth, you know, helped with the youth and stuff like that. So we, like, we basically lived at church, you know. So it wasn't that I, I didn't know about god or anything like that. I, I did, and I grew up in that atmosphere.

Speaker 3: 7:12

Um, so you know, the I've heard it said and I think it's, it's, it's a great way of saying is like god had already started saving me when I was born, you know, and in that process it just took a long time to get there, um, in that sense, um, and then I also look on the other side of that coin. It feels like the devil had been trying to kill me since I was born. You know, two years old, I drank paint thinner and and nearly died from, was born, you know two years old, I drank paint thinner and and nearly died from that, you know.

Speaker 3: 7:49

And my parents didn't know if I was gonna live or die.

Speaker 3: 7:52

And oh my god an oxygen tent and I was a. I was like adhd or add before it was a coin term, you know. But I look at it. I was a boy. I was, I had energy and I was always getting into stuff and my dad had been painting that day and my he needed my mom's help and my mom brought me out and she went to do something and I turned around and took off and I came around the corner and there was some paint there. There looked like milk to me. I love milk, so I drank it and it, uh, it jacked me up for a while and for a few weeks I didn't know if I was going to make it or not. Wow, just kind of. My life really kind of went from there. I would say like by eight years old one of my biggest struggles was pornography. At eight years old I was indoctrinated with it. And, um, at eight, at eight, how did that happen?

Speaker 3: 8:50

Uh my cousin and I were out at his father's uh place of work and they were welders and we found this building out in the back and went in there and there's a bunch of uh, uh, you know, playboy magazines and things of that nature. And you start looking at that and it's like something changed inside of me and I felt like not looking back on it, I think that it was kind of my uh, it robbed me, you know, of my purity in that sense as a child and that was something I struggled with until about 15 months after I got saved.

Speaker 3: 9:33

You know, and I'll kind of talk a little bit about that later.

Speaker 3: 9:36

But, yeah, pornography was introduced to that and I really that's when, like my sexuality and seeing women like this picture, you know, it's like that's what women should look like, you know. And this false mentality, you know, this lie that I started believing because I didn't know any better, started kind of this struggle in my life of of my sexuality with, with women and seeing them as an object to conquer and what it what I thought it was, you know, and that's what love is and that's how women should look like and all these things. And you know, I grew, grew up in a little town, actually outside of Bakersfield, in a little town called Arvin. It was a Hispanic culture, mainly a migrant community of farming and so on, and my papa, my mom's dad, was a farmer, and so, you know, I grew up in that culture and by 12, I had lost my virginity, you know, and by 13, I had a girl pregnant, you know, and unfortunately her mom made her have an abortion and and so kind of walked through that.

Speaker 3: 10:57

And then, you know, I just kind of was going through life with this object of women. You know, I wasn't drinking in high school or anything, or drugs or anything like that. And my, my drug was women, you know, and uh, trying to sleep with them. And you know, uh, seeing what I could conquer and that, you know, and that had always been a struggle for me. And and pornography was always there, you know, um, by 20 years old, I, uh, I I was on probation at 16, got off probation, was back on probation by 19, went in the Navy at 20. I told my dad, I said, hey, like I need some discipline in my life.

Speaker 2: 11:46

And so he was like well, you're going to get it, you know.

Speaker 3: 11:48

and I took off, I left and then I ended up getting married at 20. And to a girl I really didn't know, you know, and just all this whirlwind of a thing, you know going to service and I'm becoming a man and so on and so forth, and I was married for about six years before we divorced and she had left me and she had. I was the deployment of, you know, september 11th. Um, I was on deployment during that time and, uh, I got this dear john phone call type deal, um, hey, I don't love you, don't want to be with you, and you know I want a divorce. And so after that deployment, like about a month before the end of it, I flew back home, actually out of singapore and and flew all the way back stateside to Los Angeles and tried to figure out what was going on.

Speaker 3: 12:51

Luckily I had some really great supervisors and really supported me, trying to help me get back home and to try to figure out what was going on in the marriage at that time. And and so, uh, I figured I realized that she was stripping and doing drugs and cheating on me and stuff like that and and kind of looked at it like, well, like I was never raised in believing in divorce. You know you can work through it and and forgiveness. So I, I, I understood that much and so I was like hey, just stop doing that, like I'll forgive you, we can move forward. And she's like I don't want it. So we ended up divorcing um, no children with her, and so it just. She basically took everything that I had and I just started over in a sense.

Speaker 2: 13:51

Um, real, real quick, go ahead Before we move like to the like next thing you're going to share, kind of. When you talked about like growing up and kind of Christian household getting into pornography so early, between like the ages of, we'll say, eight and like 12 or 13, when you lost your virginity, was there like what was it like? Where was God in that Was God? Were there interactions that you had with the Lord? Or was it like, where was God in that Was God? Were there interactions that you had with the Lord? Or where it was a confusion, was it? Was it kind of this place of like God? I don't understand who you are Like. Why are you supposed to be important to me? Like where was kind of God in the middle of that? And if there wasn't anything there, then that'd be fine. I would just like to know what Jeremiah, in hindsight, thinks like okay, what was God doing like in that in that season? Or how did I view God in that season?

Speaker 3: 14:55

I would say the viewing I had. I knew of God, I knew of Jesus and I knew the Holy Spirit, but I didn't know him personally, nor was it something that I was really interested in, because my mind was focused elsewhere. It was focused on me, it was focused on what I wanted. I, looking back on it the tradition of you go to church on sunday, you go to church on sunday night, you go to church on wednesday, and so this idea of, as we were talking, these check in the boxes type religion, that's really what it was to me.

Speaker 3: 15:49

Like, if I'm doing these things on these days, I'm good with God, because I didn't have an understanding of who I was. I didn't have an understanding of, I didn't think I was a sinful person, you know so. So I'm glad you asked that, because it does clarify that, even though, like, the word of god was coming in, but I wasn't understanding what it was like. Yeah, I, so I guess you would equate it to like seeds were being planted, you know, but nothing was really coming up from that is kind of how I look at that.

Speaker 3: 16:39

Um, so yeah that's it. It wasn't really a thought, but I really didn't have an understanding of really who he was. Wow.

Speaker 2: 16:49

Yeah, that's good.

Speaker 1: 16:52

That's good, but it's also a little scary as a parent. Yeah, that you can take your kids to church every Sunday, every Wednesday, do all the things that you feel like you're supposed to be doing as a parent to put them in the right spots, but they can still, in your case, like, not actually develop that personal connection with God, absolutely.

Speaker 3: 17:19

And I'll be honest, like I'm dealing with that right now with my son, my son absolutely believes that god is real. He, he absolutely understands that evolution and big bang is ridiculous. But his issue is because he's very analytical and the way he thinks and if Jesus, if I wasn't here when Jesus was here, then how do I know he's real? And so for me as a believer in Christ, like that breaks my heart. But I have come to a place to realize that, god, I can save no one. I couldn't save myself, I couldn't change. It is only by your grace that you can save my boy, as you saved me.

Speaker 3: 18:31

And so what I have gone from was I want to try to be the best reflection of Christ that I can, and by my doing that, living that, that he will see, that that will be a living testimony to him and God will do the rest. Yeah, and it is scary because the last thing we want as parents is for our children to go to hell. We don't want that. That's a scary fact. And but I, what I have come to understand my children choose to obey me. The reality is I don't have any control on how they respond or if they want to listen or not listen. I have come to realize all I can do is pray and just beseech.

Speaker 1: 19:21

God, so convicting. Brother. I'm in the same spot, like I have this conversation with my kids, where I'm like if you want to lie to me, you can lie to me. I'm not going to chase you down and I'm not going to be a. I don't have the bandwidth to play detective and make sure you're doing everything right. If you want to sneak around and be deceitful, like there's, you're gonna have the ability to do that. It's on you absolutely to not do that and I'm telling you you should obey, because that's the right thing to do and I know it's best for you, but it's on you to do it absolutely and that's a hard place and that you know, you, you, you get.

Speaker 1: 20:02

I don't know your kids get to what six, seven, eight? You start realizing that because they develop that, oh, I can kind of do stuff in here behind this closed door, my dad. Then I can tell my dad oh yeah, I did brush my teeth. I'm like huh.

Speaker 3: 20:19

Come here and breathe on me. Yeah, let me smell your breath.

Speaker 1: 20:22

Hopefully they realize. I think most of them have realized now that mom and dad can read you kind of like a book At least when you're young.

Speaker 3: 20:31

It does make it a little bit harder with my kids, though, with my wife and I. You know me being a highway patrol officer out in California for 11 years, so I'm pretty good at reading people and deception and my wife has very great discernment and so and I've probably done about almost everything you can do. So you're not gonna get over. You might. You might be able to lie and do some things, but you actually like getting away with some big stuff like not happening you know, so body language gives away a lot.

Speaker 2: 21:11

Yeah, man, hearing y'all, hearing y'all, oh my gosh. It just like makes me realize, holy cow, I have so much control, I need to surrender as a parent. Oh my gosh.

Speaker 1: 21:31

Well, that just happens because you just realize, like you were talking, like how you just actually can't control them into heaven, you can't control them into obedience, you just have to be a light. I love what you said about be the best example of Christ that you can be. That's probably the best thing, right?

Speaker 3: 21:53

Absolutely, and I think also the best example that we can be is admitting our failures and asking for forgiveness when that time needs to happen.

Speaker 3: 22:05

And there are many times that I fell my kids miserably, maybe on how I responded to a certain situation of maybe it was anger, or maybe I was doing something that was improper at that time or whatever and there have been many times where I have had to go to my children and to sit down like in tears and just apologize to them because I have to ask for your forgiveness because of x, y and z the reason I'm asking is because you know in christ we're called to do this, because I have done something wrong I need to admit that to you, that I am wrong.

Speaker 3: 22:58

So there's a few things they see. They see dad's character, they see dad's integrity, but they also see that dad is human and that's, and that is like I.

Speaker 3: 23:10

we were on a man's retreat and I took my son and I asked my son I think it was the last night we were there what is something that you appreciate about me? And he's like you're honesty and you're admitting your wrongs. Like that's huge and that is a character and an integrity thing, and if my son's getting that, then my daughter's seeing the same thing that hey dad is human. He's not this superhero guy that you know doesn't make mistakes.

Speaker 3: 23:46

And a lot of times we can act like we don't, but if I want my children to see the real dad, the real Jeremiah, and the real Christian that struggles, that I'm not going to be perfect on this side, that even though I'm in Christ, even though positionally I'm not going to be perfect on this side, that even though I'm in Christ, even though positionally I'm righteous, you know, blameless, holy, without accusation, in the eyes of the Lord.

Speaker 3: 24:17

But yet the paradox is is I still struggle and I still fall short of god's glory and I still have to repent and admit because it breaks relationship and I don't want them to think that they have to put on these masks that I did for 40 something years before I got saved.

Speaker 2: 24:41

It's good this is hitting me so fresh because before I mean, I texted chris and people, the guys in our group, and then, before I picked you up from the airport last night, I was talking to my brother in law and filling him in and, man, the season's been hard. But like two, three days ago, I responded to my six-year-old, just like I just flipped out and I like he just got so scared and started crying and man, like my response was like like it tore me up. You know it tore me up because I don't want to respond like that. Yep, and I apologized, you know cried, but then I just went into my bedroom and I just like sobbed Yep.

Speaker 2: 25:38

And I felt like the Lord was like call them into your room and repent. And I was like Cade, come in here and I was like I'm so sorry, man, I repent to you and that was not okay for me to do, but I just wanted to know that I love you, I care for you, I'm sorry and he forgave me and I felt, I just felt like the Lord wanted me to do that in that moment, for whatever reason. Um, and I've been trying to stay consistent with with that Cause I've done that before, but it's the last thing I want to do is like not respond right at Ford, pretend like it's just swept under the rug and like we don't talk about that. We don't admit it and I don't. I don't want to do that. So absolutely yes, it's hitting me fresh. You said 20 years old, you got divorced by 26, I was divorced got married at 20.

Speaker 2: 26:52

That's right by 26 was divorced okay and so kind of jumping back in from there. Where did?

Speaker 3: 27:02

so, um, my wife, now that you know we're getting ready to hit our 20-year anniversary. So when we had moved out of the town that I grew up in, the small town of Arvin into Bakersfield, we had started going to a new church and the crazy thing is I met my wife at church and but we were friends and her parents became best friends with my aunt and uncle, which would be my mom's sister and brother-in-law, and so I could still tell you to this day when I first and I'm speaking to my wife, her name's Alicia when I first saw her, she was 11 and I was 15. I can tell you to this day what she was wearing Wow.

Speaker 2: 28:01

And why that is.

Speaker 3: 28:03

I have no idea, it just something that was just engraved in my mind, you know.

Speaker 3: 28:11

And.

Speaker 3: 28:12

But so coming back, finding out I'm going through a divorce, I'm back off deployment September 11th Obviously a lot of emotion and feeling and all this stuff obviously a lot of emotion and feeling and all this stuff, and and, uh, and so I'm coming home to back to bakersfield, to uh see my parents and stay there for a few days and then I have to get back to naval air station lamore, which is about a hour and a half north of bakersfield, and so, uh, uh, my parents are there like hey, we're going over my in-laws name, dan and Sandy Wolf, and they're like we're going over Dan and Sandy Wolf's house, like because Alicia, her best friend, is moving to Oklahoma, to Tulsa, so they're having like a go away church party, and they were like, why don't you come along?

Speaker 3: 29:02

I was like, nah, I'm just going to stay home and I'm depressed, beat up and just going through a divorce now, and this was on February 15th of 2002. So my dad was like, well, I'll just stay home with you. I was like no, just tell me the address, I'll meet you there. And so I ended up going and I remember walking into their door and like they had a small living room area and there's, like it felt like, 20-25 people in this little living room just like packed in like sardines man.

Speaker 3: 29:44

but I remember walking in and looking to the right and there was alicia standing there and it was like we just look eye to eye and I think that was probably the first time I felt the Lord impress on me. That was who you're supposed to marry. This whole time, wow, and because we can make choices and decisions and you kind of the whole, you know, you make your bed, you lie in it, you know, and type deal. But yeah, I truly felt that was the woman for you. And so we started talking that night, like we just started hanging out and talking and and and hanging out with friends, and like her parents are like look, you're still married. Until you're divorced, you will not date our daughter. It's like she's getting ready to turn 21. Like she's a grown woman, you know, but at that time still living at their house.

Speaker 3: 30:51

So it was like, okay, you know, and did we adhere to all that stuff? No, not not all the time, you know, and and so, um, but I, I tried to honor that the best I could, that I knew how, as an unsaved person, you know, um, so we actually became real, we became best friends, like before anything, like we were already friends, but we started to really get to know each other and we became best friends, really get to know each other and we became best friends. And so fast forward. It was about that was February of 2000, you know, 2002. And, uh, by October 4th of 2004, we were married, you know.

Speaker 3: 31:38

so about two and a half years we uh kind of walked through just friendship and and best friends and traveling together and and doing things and and so we had got married. You know then and and then. But what I didn't know was all the baggage I was bringing. I didn't because it was kind of like, oh I went through this, let's just shove that under the rug. You know, and oh, I went through this, let's just shove that under the rug you know, and oh, I went through this let's just shove that under the rug and eventually crap starts piling up and you know, and you can only hold so much under that rug you know,

Speaker 3: 32:20

um which really just kind of let it in or let it out. You know I got out of the navy so we were married by 04. October of 04, got out of the navy may of 06, went right into the california high patrol academy by september of 06 and graduated by april of 07 you know, six months or so and so that we we didn't have children until 09. We were married in 04, so about five years um I was uh. My first duty station was down in a place called uh new hall in valencia, santa carita area, down south and uh just north of la kind of, you know, silmar pro coima, san fernando, stuff like that, and um worked down there. Had uh immediately uh.

Speaker 3: 33:18

I remember I was two months on the job and I lost a buddy of mine, um, who was killed in the high patrol on duty and he was like my map partner for PT, like the whole academy, and his name was John Miller and he was trying to chase down a DUI driver and lost control of the car and hit a tree and it killed him. And I remember going to his funeral and I saw his wife, I saw his kids and the brokenness and I vowed that day. I said my wife will never feel that. So I began to build up this brick house around my heart and around her heart and I started pushing her away because I didn't want her to experience that and I and this is morbid thinking man like this is totally demonic Like I would rather her have her pissed off at me than to feel that. I'd rather her be angry at me than to feel that pain that I am seeing. Because and then the reality was this life is real. You know like you could die at any moment.

Speaker 1: 34:40

You know doing this job as a high patrol officer so help me understand this like you were, like in your heart, I won't, I don't want my wife to feel that level of pain. Yes, so I'm gonna be withholding and keep, keep our relationship almost like on a simmer, instead of all that it could be yep, that's exactly what I thought.

Speaker 3: 35:03

Wow, I was gonna keep her at arm's distance. I know that's not right thinking at all like who does that, you know who thinks like that, but for whatever reason, that's what I thought in that moment and that's what I worked on. And there's another, you know another level sweeping under the rug. You know from you know growing up, the struggle of pornography still going on during this time. You know of losing your purity and then your virgin up, and then marriage and then divorce and and brokenness is continuing to compound and it's not being fixed. And then you see another thing you know where this officer gets killed and then. So that's another thing to put under the rug and not deal with it. And so everything just continued to compound from there. So why I had that thought, I don't know. I don't know why that would. I would even think of something like that. But maybe, you know, I I couldn't tell you it's. It's just maybe the pain that I saw. I I thought that was protecting her from that pain and that's the complete opposite, because all I was doing was pushing her away. And then that's when kind of drinking really heavily started happening, trying to find an escape of this pain and not dealing with it. Um, and then the affairs started. Um, that happened.

Speaker 3: 36:57

I think the the first affair was in 2009 and it was, you know, another, uh, female officer that I had known through the academy and she worked at a different office, but a relationship had been built, and so on and so forth. And then what ended up happening after the affair? Like I felt so dirty, I just felt just horrible. I had so much shame and guilt, just felt just horrible. I had so much shame and guilt, like how can I do this to this woman that I say I love? And you know, like Ryan, I had talked about this before and and something that stuck out to him. Like then, for several weeks after I like I was, I was working and I come home and and all my you know, when I get off or on my days off, I would drink a lot, because the guilt and the shame and and this kind of goes back to when I told you guys in the beginning that I felt like satan has been trying to kill me since I was been born, because this is where suicidal ideations and actual like thinking about, like I'm going to kill myself because I can't live with this and there's no way she's going to forgive me. And so it came to a point.

Speaker 3: 38:21

It came to a head one day and I had been drinking all day and and my wife was at work she was a dispatcher for the highway patrol and and so I had been drinking all day and and it was probably I don't know, I think it was around seven in the evening and she happens to call me from work and I, I have the three 57 sitting in my lap and I just finished my last beer and I think it was like a 30 pack. I had gone through and holy and I was just, I was done, I wasn't going to leave a letter, I wasn't going to do anything, I was just gonna, you know, kill myself. And she calls and and this is where you see God's hand working in my life and protecting me she calls she don't ever call from work, but she calls that day and she's like hey, you know we talk about whatever. And then we were getting off the phone and I just said, hey, alicia, I need you to know. No matter what happens, I love you. And I got off the phone.

Speaker 3: 39:44

She came home from work Because she's like something's wrong.

Speaker 3: 39:51

She comes home from work, comes in through the garage and as I'm getting ready to do it, she walks in and she sees me with the gun in my hand and this really just shows my wife's character and just not over, you know, like blowing up or freaking out.

Speaker 3: 40:15

She just looks at me, she reaches over, she grabs the gun out of my hand, she takes it over to the sink, unloads it, sets it down, turns around and looks at me and she says obviously we need to talk.

Speaker 3: 40:35

And I just started vomiting up all this, what I did, and I told her how I cheated on her and who it was with and how this happened, and so on and so forth. And she just looked at me. And she looked at me and she said first let's get you help and then we'll start working on us, the selflessness of this woman and you're going to learn through this story, her loyalty and just the grace and the mercy of Christ on our marriage, on me, on her, and eventually, in the end I'll sum it all up god had been speaking through me or through my wife to me, showing me jesus, the love, the grace, the mercy that he has. And I'm not saying so, don't mistake in this. I'm not saying my wife is Jesus or anything of that, but I can see the reflection of Christ, of who he is, and he had been showing me this whole time and I missed it until I got saved.

Speaker 3: 42:05

So leaving from that went and got help. You know, met a really amazing man through the Highway Patrol. He worked out of a different area and we still have a bond to this day, you know, because of this and went through that and at that time I was like I'll never do that again, like I'll never cheat on you again, and in my mind I had made that up, but in my heart was completely different. So, fast forward. We have our daughter. She was born 9909, like I-9. Like I was telling Ryan, like I can't even mess that up, so like that's a beautiful birthday. You know, she was my firstborn and then that was 2009.

Speaker 3: 42:55

So by 2010, I would say it was probably October, september, timeframe of 2010. I, I was working in the evening and we me and my partner and I we got in a pursuit with a suspect and and as we got him stopped, I ended up in a four minute fight and he ended up having a gun, and so I fought this guy for four minutes and ended up breaking my two right fingers and my right wrist and so I ended up with like a boxer's fracture and so I was out of work, just kind of a limited duty status, working in the office and stuff, and then I get back on duty full duty two and a half months later and I'm back out and I get in a pursuit, another pursuit and then I end up fracturing my wrist on the backside, underneath side of this.

Speaker 2: 43:58

Wow, same wrist, yep, same wrist well that one.

Speaker 3: 44:02

I worked for two months and didn't know it was broken and um, so then, you know, things started happening. I started like getting little shakes in my hand and stuff and I was like something's wrong. So I ended up at the doctor and like, hey, you broke your wrist. Like what'd you do? I was like, oh, this, like two months ago, it's like what so? But what started happening was they were issuing me payments and I was never like a pill popper. I didn't like taking pills and things like that and so I ended up getting. So that was about 2010, 2011, 2012.

Speaker 3: 44:50

So about three years I struggled with addiction of opioids, of pain meds and, just to make sure that the record is clear, I wasn't using well at work. It's like when I was leaving work or I'd get home, I'd be taking pain pills, you know, um, so I was never under the influence while at work, you know, in that sense. Um so I had enough mindset not to do it while working, but it was the off work and what ended up happening was I became emotionless. It numbed me.

Speaker 3: 45:30

I learned that it not only took my physical pain away, it took my emotional pain away, which was exactly what I was looking for, because of all the brokenness and all the baggage I had just, you know kind of thrown in this backpack or this sea bag, you know, and just carrying it around and not doing anything with it, it started to get heavier and heavier, and then the shame and the guilt of like I didn't like choose to be an addict, Like I chose to stay an addict.

Speaker 3: 46:00

I chose to to stay in this mindset and to live this way. But I didn't know how to stop. And but the one thing I remembered was, if I go to them and tell them, hey, I have a problem, they can't fire me. And so I went to them because it was something that was issued from an injury. It wasn't like, oh, I just went and found some pain meds and started taking them. And you know it was the order of things, it was because I was issued that, and so and I'll tell you, it's not uncommon for officers to get hooked on pain meds, and a lot of it's not just for the pain, but it's the emotional pain that they're dealing with.

Speaker 3: 46:43

And the scars and you, you know the, the feelings that come with everything that you do. You deal with the worst of the worst, you know and and so they're trying to find an escape because they don't know how to go and talk to somebody you know, and to be open.

Speaker 3: 47:02

Open. So finally by 2013 I got clean and then little did. I know. I was clean for about a year actually almost a year to the date and then I got in my first shooting and, uh, ended up in a in a shootout with a guy. I never ended up returning fire. I got shot at going into a garage but I didn't fire back because my good friend at the time was at the garage door behind. The suspect was inside the garage and it was in the line of fire and I didn't want to miss suspect and hit my buddy and kill him. That was my concern and so I never fired back. So I went through that, that whole shooting deal, and it was like a two hour standoff for us. And then finally SWAT comes in and replaces us and and and they end up in another about an hour, two hour standoff and then he comes out shooting like he said he was going to, and ended up getting shot 12 times and lives well you know yeah, and lives and so talk about god's goodness in that, you know.

Speaker 3: 48:24

So that messed me up mentally. You know it really did. Um, I, I became angry at god and I was like god, like how do you save me and take me out from pills, and then you put me into this and in a shooting, like are you serious? And immediately people are questioning me my skills of being an officer, why?

Speaker 1: 48:49

didn't you shoot? Why didn't?

Speaker 3: 48:51

you shoot back, and why didn't you? You know, this monday night quarterback stuff, and so then that started playing in, you know, and so, and even with like, when I first broke my wrist with that guy with the gun, like I got flack for that, why didn't you shoot him? You know, and I'm like, and I told him, like I have to live with that, like you don't have to live with that, but I do and I felt more comfortable on the ground fighting this guy than just shooting this guy when I didn't have to, you know, and and so my, I would say my mindset was was different than and now I'm not saying blakening and saying every officer, like every officers are like our awful officers are like that that's not what I'm saying there, but there are a few that are like that, but the majority of them are not.

Speaker 3: 49:48

And so you know, going through that shooting, and then, like I didn't sleep for three days, and then you know, just, and then you know they started giving me Xanax, and you know, for my anxiety and things like that. And so during that time, then, from there, I went to back to workman's comp and they were like, hey, instead of using your own vacation, why don't you go file a claim? And so they'll take you off of work? And then that's where I had got into this long term affair, and that lasted about three years. And while this is all going on, I'm still playing family guy, like my son was born in 2013,. You know, july 17th, at 13. And, and we're still going to church because that's an air quotes the right thing to do. That's what you do as a family. This was the tradition that I was taught, and so there still wasn't a relationship based.

Speaker 2: 50:55

There wasn't a relational based relationship with god yet there was no relationship at all.

Speaker 3: 51:02

It was. Jeremiah was very prideful.

Speaker 3: 51:06

Jeremiah was very narcissistic, arrogant, like it was, like my wife and I joke now is like do you not know who I am, like I'm jeremiah lincoln, like that's, that's the running joke now, but that's how I used to think, like I was this superior man and God's gift to this world. That's how I viewed myself, because I was so in, you know just I thought my so highly of myself and probably because I had so self little confidence and so I just tried to elevate myself to not really because of all the baggage I was carrying and the brokenness that I was dealing with. Can I ask?

Speaker 1: 52:00

about like obviously you're. You're burying this pain, obviously you're burying this pain. You have this moment where your wife finds you suicidal. Almost you know, in the nick of time, that help you got then, that you pursued that wasn't, it didn't take right, it didn't catch, because then all this other stuff happens did. Were the affairs like the, like the pills and the alcohol? Was it a numbing thing? Was it like? This gives me a momentary relief from all the baggage I'm under, or what, what, like what was the driver? I would say.

Speaker 3: 52:45

That's exactly what it was. It was an escape of reality, the escape of of feeling, maybe a fleeting moment of pleasure that I wasn't feeling at all, because I was so broken and so hurt and so hard hearted in that sense that the only way I could feel something or to be numb of the pain was to go elsewhere, in addiction of either alcohol at that time, or pills or women, and it felt like that was the only thing I had control of was that I choose to do this, do this, and so um it. It was just an escape for me. I was hurting so bad and I was trying to find relief or something in the world, and that's really. And then it just kept getting darker and darker and darker, you know, and we'll get into that, but that's.

Speaker 3: 54:06

I was trying to find it through women. I was trying to find it through addiction. I was trying to find it through money, uh, through stature, through possessions, through, uh, the house we lived in, where we lived at. I was trying to find this identity of one who I am, because I thought my identity was I was a highway patrol officer and I love to find guns and drugs and get in pursuits and I hated taking crashes, I hated writing speeding tickets. I just wanted to take bad people to jail. That was all I cared about. So I thought my identity was this. And then, because my identity was up here with the highway patrol and everything, part of that and the how much money I was making, then I had to show. I had to elevate that and show that I had all the nice clothes and I had all you know the nice gear and shoes and house and you know possessions, worldly things.

Speaker 3: 55:15

That was my escape, because I was so lost and I was so blinded by the truth because I had no relationship with Christ. I didn't know who God was. I knew of a God, but the reality was I didn't know who God was and I don't blame my parents for that, because they did what they thought was what you do. You know you take your kids to church and you show them these things and you know we can talk about it more later. But it's so much more than that and that's what I have come to realize that the breaking away of that tradition or that thinking that being a Christian is not part of your life, being a Christian, it's a way of life, it is your life. That's what it is. It's not a way of life. It is your life.

Speaker 2: 56:22

It's.

Speaker 3: 56:23

Christ is centered and everything revolves around that. That's the Christian life. It's not Sunday, wednesday or whatever else you want to go to church. Church is not the building, it's the people. And that's one thing I'm trying to do is get away from that, trying to teach my kids what I didn't get taught. But, like I said, I don't blame my parents for that because you know they did what they thought was right and what you know, and it wasn't wrong, but it was just more to it.

Speaker 2: 57:00

So how? So long-term affair, how did that transition to you being saved? Kind of kind of share, like how you got out of that and then how you got saved so I had been in a fair, I had I had met this girl.

Speaker 3: 57:21

Um, it was, uh, during that time, right after my shooting, this probably been 2014,. I think. Maybe, yeah, 2014, maybe the beginning of 2015. And I had met this girl that worked at the workman's comp and basically began. We began this relationship and which ultimately ended up in an affair for about almost three years. Um, fast forward 2017, I have a surgery uh, february of 17. And the day after my wife takes me to surgery and brings me home, I say I'm out and I leave. I said I'm done, I'm done with this, I'm, I'm gonna, I'm out of here and I had left my two children, my wife.

Speaker 2: 58:14

For this woman and for this affair and did you tell your wife at the time why you were leaving?

Speaker 3: 58:21

oh, she knew why I was leaving. She had already known, had already caught me a couple times with her. Like my wife, she fought for our marriage. She didn't say, oh just, you know, I'll just be here when you're ready to come home. You know she fought for us you know?

Speaker 1: 58:37

and can I ask like why, and forgive me if this sounds brash, but why did she stay with you, my wife I?

Speaker 3: 58:47

just that's a great question, I feel like she would have just bolted that is a great question, and you want to know why?

Speaker 3: 58:53

because the lord spoke to her several years before and told her to be still. You don't have to do anything. So for her it was. I don't know what god's gonna do and I don't know when he's going to do it, but he's going to do something. And the one thing cause my question was to my wife why did same thing? Why would you even stay with me, like you knew who I was, why would you stay with me? So it was what God has spoke to her and she could see a glimmer of hope. That's what she held on to and I'm going to tell you. I'm going to tell you it is only by God's grace and it is only by his mercy, because her circle of friends and family went through many to zero.

Speaker 2: 59:53

Leave him.

Speaker 3: 59:54

He ain't going to change, there ain't no hope. You know, divorce him, you have every right to biblically, so on and so forth. All these answers. And she stuck with me. So because of the Lord and because God gave her grace and mercy to trust that. That is why my wife stayed, not because I deserved it or earned it, it's because she trusted the Lord and she didn't know how it was going to happen so?

Speaker 2: 1:00:32

so what happened when you said I'm out?

Speaker 3: 1:00:35

so obviously you know it broke her and and it broke my children.

Speaker 3: 1:00:41

You know, and that's some of the biggest thing I regret for doing that. So it really caused the strain and, and you know, uh, she actually once again, my wife actually went to my parents cause my parents were not going to let me stay there, but went to my parents and said, hey look, I know he's out doing whatever he's doing. I know that and that's wrong, but please will you allow him to stay here so at least I know when his head is on the pillow he's safe that's why.

Speaker 3: 1:01:24

That is the only reason why my parents, let me say, is because my wife went and spoke on my behalf, who did not have to. But that is who my wife is the love that she has for me, the willingness to fight and to suffer something that is so wrong that no woman or no man should ever have to suffer through in a marriage, you know, because of a selfish partner or other half, that, or a spouse that does that. They shouldn't have to, but she did, so that happened. So 2017 was really a bad, 2017 was the worst year of my life, and this is like. Suicidal thoughts are coming back. Now I'm physically, literally, dealing with demons. They are talking to me many times over. I told my wife that. I said it feels like there is a power that has its arms wrapped around me and its claws dug in me, and the power is so great I can't, I can't break it.

Speaker 1: 1:02:43

And.

Speaker 3: 1:02:43

I felt that and I felt how they was. I could hear how they would speak to me and there would be times and moments where, and then I started getting into hardcore drugs that year and you know, um and cocaine and stuff like that and and really becoming addicted to that and pills and marijuana and all together at once, you know, and really trying to kill myself. And I would be in the closet at sometimes and I could hear I just be in the closet and I'm crying and I'm high as a kite and and they're yelling I can hear them yelling in my ear like just F and kill yourself. And I would have the gun in my mouth trying to pull the trigger Like I couldn't do it. It's like God wouldn't let me. It's like I had no strength to pull a trigger that I have pulled many times before. And so I got through that.

Speaker 3: 1:03:46

And then the girl I was in the affair with, we got pregnant. We were it wasn't this, this oops, that we had been trying. I was starting a whole new family. We got pregnant. And then it's like now, now I was getting to a point like now I got to do to break my wife, so I can have a reason to say you left me, you divorced me, so there was justification. That's what I was trying to do, to justify what I was doing was okay, even though knowing I was not okay, like I was completely wrong for what I was not okay, like I was completely wrong for what I was doing I knew it.

Speaker 1: 1:04:29

You thought the child that you're having would cause your wife, my wife, to leave. Want to leave? Yeah.

Speaker 3: 1:04:35

And be divorced. No-transcript. Remember, at the beginning you asked well, why would you like, instead of her feeling that pain, making her so mad that she started pushing away. That was still all part of it.

Speaker 1: 1:04:54

So for almost 14 years.

Speaker 3: 1:04:58

I was just pushing away and she stayed. So then one day, I wake up state. So then one day I wake up, it's January 16th 2018. At nine 30 in the morning, I wake up and I had been on drugs that whole. I had already been retired now by August of 17.

Speaker 3: 1:05:19

I got medically retired from the highway patrol because I had six surgeries. They ended up removing three of my wrist bones and you know, they said hey, you're out, you can't do this. So they medically retired me. And so that day, january 16th 2018, nine 30 in the morning, I wake up. I had, or I was so high the night before like I really didn't think I was going to wake up, but I woke up as clear-minded and sober and the second my feet hit the floor. The Lord spoke to me for the very first time In the sense of said Jeremiah, I'm not going to do this for you, and it broke my heart. And it broke my heart and what I had realized was it wasn't that it wasn't gonna save me, that it was. You gotta take the step first. You got to yield to this, and so I was just like in tears.

Speaker 1: 1:06:30

I'm just talking tears like I hadn't cried in years. Did you know that you needed to yield to him? And this was like what he was saying like you're gonna have to do it I?

Speaker 3: 1:06:40

I in a sense thought there was no hope for me, there was no saving me. That's what I was being told as well. You know when these demons would talk to me like you're unsavable. There's no redeeming you.

Speaker 3: 1:06:54

You'll never change, just continuing. And then maybe an angry at God why does everybody have this figured out? And I don't, you know. And so the reality was God was breaking me down, humbling me, and I had no clue this was happening by allowing me to go to the depths that I was going and just completely stripping everything, stripping my job, which was my identity, stripping my money, which was my idol, you know, just taking it all, taking the friends that I had, like everybody was removing themselves from me and I had nothing. And so, when that moment came, I was at my lowest point, like there were. I don't think there was death, that was. All I had left was death, and I longed for it, and I knew that I was going to hell, and I didn't care, and that's what the scary thing is is and I didn't care, and that's what the scary thing is is that I didn't care.

Speaker 1: 1:08:10

Is that because the pain was so bad?

Speaker 3: 1:08:13

It can't be worse than this.

Speaker 1: 1:08:16

I believe that I'm already in hell. Yeah, like it can't be worse than this.

Speaker 3: 1:08:20

There's no way, wow and so. But when the Lord spoke, it pierced me, it pierced my heart and I knew I was wrong, everything I was doing. I knew it, I was wrong and so why I had my Bible in the back of the trunk of my car? I wasn't living that way. Why would I have a Bible in the back of the trunk of my car? Like I wasn't living that way, like, why would I have a Bible out there? But, like I was telling Ryan, god had been putting men in my life in 2017 that had radical testimonies and God had saved. And they were. And God was using this man, these men, to invest in me and planting seeds and and and men that I had grew up with and and God had saved them radically. And so little did I know that God was working through the worst year of my life and now it has come to a point and to a head.

Speaker 3: 1:09:20

And so I went out and I grabbed my Bible. I get to my, I come back in, I'm just crying and and this was the first time I ever had a real honest prayer, and that prayer was like God, I don't know how I got here. I wasn't raised this way. I don't even know where to turn in your word. And I kid you not, it was just I opened up the word that I had, you know, the Bible that I had. I opened it up and it went straight to Psalms 119. And all I read was verse one and two. You know, and, and I'm not even going to try to say it right now, but they want to look it up, they can look it up, but I'll kind of paraphrase, you know, and, and I started reading like blessed, you know, is, uh, is the undefiled who walk in the way, or, you know, and and keep the testimonies and and search, search him with a whole heart you know, and I was go ahead.

Speaker 2: 1:10:23

What do you say? It's?

Speaker 3: 1:10:24

good. So, as I was reading this scripture, probably for like the first time in my life, for my own self, actually truly seeking God, and I was like, well, what's blessed me, what is undefiled mean, what is testimony, what is search with your whole heart, and I was like started thinking. I was like so I get on my parents computer, you know, and I'm looking up these definitions and and and I started asking my close, my myself, these questions like jeremiah, you've never done anything wholehearted ever. Like everything has been kind of easy for you and simple, and you've excelled at almost anything that you've ever done and put your mind to, but you've never done anything wholeheartedly. Like what is that?

Speaker 3: 1:11:24

and as I'm still breaking this stuff down, I read on a computer and it shows me a verse out of hebrews 13 4. I was like, well, what's that? So, uh, I go over and as I'm I'm looking at it, I start reading it, and this is where things get real for me. Like there's, there's no, like going back from this point. It says marriage or marriage is honorable for all, the bed undefiled, but fornicators and adulterers, god will judge. And the second that I read, judged.

Speaker 3: 1:12:04

It was like God put me in a vision. It was like, all of a sudden, everything disappears and all I can see is like he's how he sees me, like I'm looking through his eyes on how he sees me and all I see is complete pitch black. Like a black darkness that I have never seen, that I have never experienced before, like you can't even explain how dark it is. But flames begin to start coming up from underneath this darkness and the Lord starts speaking to me again. He says, jeremiah, if you don't change, you're going to die and go to hell. He says my hand has been on you your whole life. You want to see what it feels like to carry your sin and your burdens? And it was like he lifted his finger off my shoulder and, all of a sudden, this weight. I thought I was carrying baggage, that was nothing, because this weight, this heaviness, started to to push me down. I'm sitting at my parents' table and it started to push me down, even though I can't see my parents' table, because all I see is flames coming up from this darkness of this pitch blackness and this weight. But I can feel it and it's pushing me down and pushing me down and I'm still in my pride, my humanness. I'm trying to push back up to withstand that weight and finally it breaks me and I say, god, I can't. I just started crying. I said I can't, I can't carry this and then all of a sudden, I'm back out at my parents' table and all of a sudden I'm back out at my parents' table.

Speaker 3: 1:13:48

It was then when I understood who Jesus was, I understood what grace meant, I understood what mercy was and I understood what forgiveness was. And I understood why Jesus for the first time, why he went to the cross to die for somebody like me. And immediately, the bondage of chains that I was in the, the demonic chains and the bondage that I was in and my sin, the shame, the guilt, everything of that gone. I felt freedom for the first time in my life. I felt freedom in the sense that I don't have to be ashamed anymore, I am not guilty anymore, I am free because I just met Jesus and he is real and there's no changing my mind.

Speaker 3: 1:14:49

And then, immediately after that, I had to call my wife. I said, hey, I got to tell you what happened to me. And so I was like are the kids home? She's like no, and understand. She's already like, hey, you ain't coming home till you get right first. Like you're not just going to come home again and keep playing this. You know, come home for a little bit, get mad, go out, come back. We're not doing this anymore. But she wasn't leaving me, you know in that sense.

Speaker 3: 1:15:16

So I go over there and I said, hey, I got to tell you what happened to me. So I just explained everything that I just told you guys and and the listeners of this, and and I said but I need you to understand something. I need you to understand what kind of man you married. And after I tell you what kind of man that you married, you sit there and you look at me and tell me that you could love a man like me. And so I began to confess all my sin and all the dirt that I'd ever done in our marriage of almost 14 years at that time, and she knew about 90% of it already. I'm not the smartest man or the most sneakiest man, I'm pretty dumb when it comes to that and she had caught me so many times and doing so many stuff and and so. But there was a few things that she didn't. And after I told her, I looked at her and I said now tell me that you can love a man like me. And she looked Jeremiah, I love you, broke my heart and immediately God put me back with my wife.

Speaker 3: 1:16:32

That day I moved home and God started to work in me and he started to work on my wife and he started to work on our marriage and he started to work on my relationship with my children. And then it started to go out from there, my relationship with my in-laws. Like I didn't step foot in my in-laws house for over three years, like I was not welcome there and, in a sense, like I understand. You know they were angry, they were hurt because of the shame that I had brought, the way I was treating their daughter, the way I was treating their grandkids. They were hurt and mad. So I don't blame them and so, but God started to build that relationship back. You know, in that sense, and and so, but did everything like we talked about, become rainbows and unicorns? And all that, absolutely not like.

Speaker 3: 1:17:37

God still was stripping me of me. And you know, I ended up losing 50 pounds in three months. I got super sick. I was stage three renal failure. You know I was dealing with kidney disease. I lost my last living grandparent. I was told I had lung cancer. We lost our house, you know, because when I got retired from the higher patrol I didn't get paid for like nine or 10 months, so we couldn't make house payments house gone. You know, lord speaks to me. He's like hey, you know, get your things in order, you're downsizing. I'm like am I freaking, dying? Or like what's going on?

Speaker 2: 1:18:23

Like what do we mean downsizing.

Speaker 3: 1:18:25

And then we found out we lost our house, and and so, like, things continue to happen and things that we try to hold on to. You know, and and and keep, and God was just taking it. You know, and and and so, and. Then, in the midst of it all, god was like, hey, I want you in Lynchburg Virginia. I'm like what, like, I kid you not, I'm in my parents' backyard, you know, because we went from our house to like a 10 by 20 stores to an 8 by 8 by 16 pod when we moved. But yeah, so God's like, I want you in Lynchburg Virginia. I said, god, I'm in my parents' backyard.

Speaker 3: 1:19:07

I'm like God, how am I going to move my family from Bakersfield, california, across to Lynchburg Virginia? And I left it at that Cause. I was like you've taken my money, you've taken everything for me. Like I, how am I going to do that? You know, credits jacked up, we just lost our house, we've missed, you know, nine or 10 payments, and who's going to rent to us? But God the sovereignty, and what he wants, he'll make it happen. The next day I ended up having a check of provision in the mail from the state. They had owed me something that I knew nothing about, which moved us to virginia the next day. The next day I get a check in the mail after that prayer wow, what was?

Speaker 1: 1:19:59

because all this stuff's getting stripped away, but you've finally encountered the lord, what was going on in you while all these worldly things were kind of eroding around you. Joy.

Speaker 3: 1:20:12

Complete joy. Like all right, like take it. I just was like I don't need it. Like the man that I was once like, or I once was, was needed all these things and just worldly stuff.

Speaker 1: 1:20:33

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 1:20:34

I mean, did it affect me? Yeah, I'm losing my house, this is my kids. But our prayer was God, if it is your will, the house will be ours. If it's your will to take it, then it won't. Yeah, and we were cool with that.

Speaker 3: 1:20:51

My wife and I both were now I'm not saying it was easy, like we had our water shut off a couple times, like we didn't have food, like the kids would eat or we'd have to go over to the in-laws or my parents house to to eat, like we didn't have money, like it got hard and, you know, there were tears. However, our focus was different. Our focus was I don't know how this is going to work out, we're just going to trust Jesus and that's just how we started walking. So it was like dark one day in Christ the next, and it's just been going since. Wow.

Speaker 3: 1:21:36

So I tell you, we get to Virginia, my wife and I fly out, we leave the kids back, we fly out and, as we're in Virginia, we find this apartment complex, the only gated community. It was like there ain't no way we're gonna get this, no way, you know, credit level is gonna have to be this, you know, or whatever. And so we get in there and little did I know, god puts a christian woman in there and so we finally get an appointment to go see one of the apartments, and so we're going and we're I'm just kind of walking through, and as we're there she's talking, and then I'm like man, I got to tell her like God's like, tell her everything. So I began to tell her.

Speaker 1: 1:22:27

God told you to tell her. Yeah, I got to tell her like God's like tell her everything.

Speaker 2: 1:22:28

So I began to tell her. God told you to tell her everything.

Speaker 3: 1:22:30

So I began to tell her like hey, look like God's calling us out here. You know, like our credit's not good. We lost her house. This is why and she looks at me and she's like, tell me more. The more I know, the more I can help. So we just started talking and so we leave from there. We go another night, we go through another night. I find a barber shop there and my wife says, hey, you're not going to believe this. I said what she's like going to believe this. I said what she's like. We got the apartment. I said what she's like yeah, and guess what? We only have to do one month's deposit. Like, just normal, a normal deposit. It was like our credit was perfect. I was like what Like?

Speaker 3: 1:23:25

I just started crying and I got on my knees and I just started praising God Like you did this, not us. You did this, you wanted us, we stepped out. You provide it.

Speaker 3: 1:23:41

You know of if we step out in obedience, god's gonna see it through, you know, and so it has been a whirlwind since, you know, and I knew god was calling me into ministry even before I got saved, so I forgot to mention that, and that was like 2012. I'm out washing my trailer we had just got back from camping, and so I'm washing my pool trailer and my wife's in and out taking stuff in, and and I'm just like it known I hadn't been drinking yet, um, during this time. And so, as I'm washing my trailer, all of a sudden, yeah, this was back before this was back before being saved.

Speaker 3: 1:24:25

You know, and I remember, as the waters hit in the trailer, all the sudden it like it became a projector, like you know, like a projector screen, like you could see a movie being projected on the trailer and in it I saw like a pulpit, I saw a stage, I saw me standing on it and preaching and teaching the people and then all of a sudden it disappears and like I was telling, ryan last night, my first words were f, that I'm not doing it and I got scared and I went to my beer fridge outside and I started proceeding to get drunk because I was like there ain't no way I'm doing that because I knew who Jeremiah was.

Speaker 3: 1:25:14

I was an adulterer, I wasn't right with God and I looked at it as I Jeremiah had to do that Like it was me scrounging up this strength to do that and it scared me. It's like there's no way I was so ashamed.

Speaker 3: 1:25:33

That's so much guilt but fast forward. You know, in life I get saved and and then, you know, I started doing urban ministry and I got plugged in with a ministry called hog mob. It's hooked on God ministry over business and it's from a guy named seven Uh, he's from Sacramento, california. Got saved radically and now he's investing back into urban neighborhoods. You know of the poison that he used to put into it. Now he's trying to input Christ and discipleship and men's fellowship and I got plugged into that. And you know he's also a rapper as well and I'll tell you what it's the most honest, most realist lyrics you'll ever hear, you know, and it's all Christ centered and that's what's amazing about it and so I got plugged in with that.

Speaker 3: 1:26:29

I was doing urban ministry in Lynchburg and so people were like, well, why did you go to Lynchburg? I was like, well, God called us there. My perspective and my thought was hey, I'm called in the ministry, I'm going to go to Liberty University and I'm going to become this Well, no, that wasn't it at all.

Speaker 3: 1:26:49

And then so people were like, well, why were you there for like 18 months and you left. Like, what did you do? I worked on my marriage. God pulled us from California. We had no family, we had no friends, we had no funds. You know what what I mean? Like we were broker than broke and we had nobody but the lord.

Speaker 3: 1:27:13

So he restored our marriage and he restored my relationship with my children and began to use me as a vessel to speak with other men and men's groups. You know and and you know, in a men's group, like how you, how you set the stage, sets the tone for the whole conversation. It's either going to be wide open or it's going to be very superficial and not real. And I, like I was telling Ryan last night, I said I vowed that I would never allow Satan and his demons to make me ashamed and to keep me from being honest and open and raw. I was just going to lay it out there because that was one thing I hated about church as I got later in the years, plus of my sin and everything else. But one thing I hated was the fakeness, the mask that they put on, the smiles like I know what happens when you're driving the church you're arguing, everybody's pissed off at the world, and then you're pulling up into the parking lot. It's like, oh, you better put your smiling face on, you know. And like things ain't good, like that's real life, that happens now.

Speaker 3: 1:28:38

I'm not saying there aren't people filled with joy. I'm not saying that because there are, however, like don't and don't, and another pet peeve of mine is don't ask somebody how they're doing. If you don't want to hear the truth, don't be superficial. If you don't want to know, then don't ask. Just say hey and move on. But if you ask somebody, if you ask them, hey, how are you doing, then you better mean it and you better be willing to accept the answer that comes. How can I help? Let's go talk. That's good. That is being real and raw and letting people know it's okay, because we're still broken, we're still messed up, we still fall so short and that helps encourage people. So bringing it back. We ended up we would go go out to Wyoming because my in-laws had moved in 2008. We had a big exodus out of California with my family, so my brother-in-law moves to Idaho in 2018 of June. My in-laws moved to Wyoming in September of 18. We move March of 19 to Virginia. We move.

Speaker 3: 1:30:07

March of 19 to Virginia, september of 20. We move, we go out and we move my parents to Wyoming, where my in-laws live, because we were always going out there and never making it out to California. It was so much more expensive to try to get to California than to Wyoming and then we would drive and stay out there two months at a time. So, as we're, you know, moving people, you know, and stuff like that, we're out there. The last time I would plug into the church that we're currently at at Lifeway Church and while there I would plug in with the men's group men's breakfast every Wednesday, help out the church.

Speaker 3: 1:30:46

The senior pastor at the time we started, he started kind of mentoring me and encouraging me and so on and so forth, and but when we moved my parents out there in September of 20, uh, he was like hey, before you guys head back tomorrow, like I want you to come in and talk to me. So I go and talk to him. And as I'm talking to him, so I go and talk to him. And as I'm talking to him, uh he begins to say hey, man, like I love what you're doing and how you just plug in and nobody has to tell you anything and you're always trying to help and just your personality and kind of, your charisma and who you are, I want you, you and your wife, when you guys get back to Virginia, to start praying on moving out here and coming on as the outreach pastor.

Speaker 3: 1:31:29

I'm like, are you kidding me? Like I'm three years into being saved now and now I'm being asked to come into ministry as an outreach pastor and I was just like blown away, just like, oh my gosh, lord. And so we come back and I tell my wife and and like we talked last night, like, uh, the best advice I'd ever heard since coming to Christ is if you, if you come to making big decisions like houses or moving or something of that nature, if you and your wife are not aligned, then don't do it until you are, because if you're not, it's just going to cause problems. So we get back and my faith is pretty big in the sense because of all this craziness, and god saved somebody like me, like this is the all-powerful god, like he can do whatever he can save me, he can do anything, you know, and that's my thinking, my thought.

Speaker 3: 1:32:36

And so so we get back and I'm like, hey, let's go, we're gonna do this, like I know god's calling us out and this and that. And my wife's like, well, what about finances? What about this? And we still got an apartment and we're gonna to be in it until March of the next year, you know paying on it. And I was like I don't know how it's going to work out, but let's go. You know, I'm like ready to just jump off and my wife is so good at reigning me back.

Speaker 3: 1:33:08

Um, but I started to realize like she's not ready yet. So I started praying for her. Instead of trying to tell her all the reasons why we should go, I started praying for her. I said, god, I don't know how this is going to work out. I don't like I don't know any of this, but I know you're calling us there, but she's not ready yet. So align our spirits, work on her, open her, and then, after a little bit of time had passed, she finally says all right, let's go. And so the crazy thing was was when I went to give my 60 day notice for our apartment, um, we had it already ready to be rented out within a week of giving our 60 day notice, which broke us out of our lease early Cause we had we were leaving at nine months instead of 12 months and so it broke us out of our lease actually about eight months. It broke us out of the lease. They already had it rented, ready to go the day we were moving out.

Speaker 3: 1:34:15

Within the next week, somebody was moving in and so God's hand and his sovereignty was all over it and so we ended up out there and and it's it's been an experience we had all these plans and these ideas and we're going to buy a house and buy land and we want to, you know, have people over and invest in marriages and all this stuff with these great ideas, and we ended up living in my parents' basement for 18 months. Then we ended up buying a 38 foot pool trailer and living that for 18 months on my in-laws property and so, like, all these great ideas we had never come to fruition. And it's like god, what are you doing? You know, like you brought us out to live in a basement, you brought us out to live in a in a, a eight, you know, 38 foot trailer.

Speaker 3: 1:35:08

And then my kids started kind of chiming in like we want our own room. I'm like I don't know how to do that for you, I don't know. Then it's like, well, you're talking to the wrong guy, like you need to start praying, because I don't know what to tell you. I want to, but I don't know how that's going to happen. And then, by God's grace, you know, december of last year, uh, I had married a couple in a hot air balloon at like 1500 feet for about 10, 15 miles and if you know, going through the air, I married them.

Speaker 3: 1:35:53

And the, the about 10, 15 miles. And you know, going through the air, I married them. And the the woman, uh, owned a like this mobile home, like mobile home trailer, single wide type trailer, brand new, on like an acre and a half type property. And and she's like, hey, you want to buy it. And it's like, hey, you want to buy it. And it's like we would love to buy it, you know. And so, long story short, we moved in there and started renting and we're going to have a contract for a year and this and that, and you know the rent's going to go towards you know the purchase price and this and that.

Speaker 3: 1:36:20

And then things, the climate started changing, apr started going through the roof and you know how much money we were going to have to have done like we didn't have any of that. And then it was like, man, are we going to be able to stay here, you know? And and then, long story short, with that, like she's like, just keep paying rent. And then her aunt that actually owns the whole property out there, at first she was like, yeah, I'll let them do a year. And then all of a sudden, by God's grace.

Speaker 3: 1:36:49

I was like God, I don't know how we're going to find grace in this woman, like is she going to force us off? And then, like one day I get a text message from her name, cheyenne. I get a text message from her and she says hey, my aunt Rita said you can stay as long as you want. She says, hey, my Aunt Rita said you can stay as long as you want, like you don't have to move, and it just God's goodness and his faithfulness. And like I was telling him I was reading 1 Timothy 6, and it was talking about you know, if you have food and shelter, like be content with this. And then it just brought to memory even when we were in the basement for 18 months, even when we were in a tight trailer for 18 months, you know.

Speaker 3: 1:37:35

And then now here and I opened the fridge. We have a place for our heads, Our kids have their own room and we have food in our fridge and we have been in way worse positions and god has blessed us by being obedient and it's been amazing in that sense been amazing we're an hour and a half oh my goodness, plus goodness, yeah, sorry.

Speaker 2: 1:38:06

No.

Speaker 1: 1:38:08

This has been awesome.

Speaker 2: 1:38:14

This has been incredible.

Speaker 1: 1:38:16

Chris, do you have a final question? I do have a question. It's kind of random, but I've been curious. I also want to make a comment of like your wife is a saint.

Speaker 2: 1:38:30

Your wife is someone that will be so close to Jesus that I will not be able to meet in heaven, like she'll just be way up there. Well, it's so funny.

Speaker 1: 1:38:40

It's so funny because you were like at some point in this talking to me, like you said something kind of weird, but it was like yeah, it's not like I'm married to Jesus, I'm not saying that. And then you continued on with the story and I'm like I think he might actually be married to Jesus, but but um, so I'd love to. It would be awesome to hear her perspective on this at some point because it totally different side of the table of like the hardships and and all the stuff and what.

Speaker 1: 1:39:10

What it would be like to be her. I would love to hear. But my rant kind of random question is uh, what's your tattoo about?

Speaker 3: 1:39:20

oh, um. So this was actually before I got saved. I started working on a sleeve, like I had one here before, like on my shoulder, and it was like some messed up old school dragon tattoo you know and I always wanted to go over it.

Speaker 3: 1:39:40

And then I had found an amazing tattoo artist that is actually out of Georgia now. He used to be in Bakersfield. Amazing tattoo artist that is actually out of Georgia now. He used to be in Bakersfield. He's got his own tattoo shop now, which I'm very proud of him for that. His name's Eddie Stacy. But I went to him and was like, hey, man, like I just want to cover this. And then so he did the first one you know my shoulder and did a cover. And then I was like, well, I'm thinking of a, what about a phoenix? And this is my thinking, even though it's paganistic. But I was thinking, thinking of a phoenix because, you know, you think of death and regeneration, you know new birth birth and so in my mind there was some type of seed of christianity that I was tying it to.

Speaker 3: 1:40:34

You know, not knowing in a sense. Uh, that, like the reality is, it's a definitely a conversation piece, like people are like well, why, why that? Why this?

Speaker 1: 1:40:47

Do you think like deep down, before you even saved, like there was a glimmer of hope, or like hoping that there was hope?

Speaker 3: 1:40:56

Yeah, I would say hoping that there was hope, because when you look like I actually have a, you know, like a compass on here and the North and my thought was always never forget that god is your true north wow, really and this is somebody that's not even saved.

Speaker 3: 1:41:17

So I believe god was real. I absolutely believed that you know, but I didn't know him personally. So yeah, so it went from basically like a skull with a snake in it of death to kind of resurrection of life. To don't forget who your true north is and then the lotus got put in there, which is something spiritual for japanese or whatever.

Speaker 2: 1:41:51

But yeah, that's how it ended up on my arm.

Speaker 3: 1:41:55

That's so cool now I will tell you, though, just to sum all this up, by my wife, like my wife will tell you, too, she is not without fault. She had her own struggles and things that she had to deal with. And you know, um, and she'll tell you, like she was not the perfect christian, always on her knees praying to god, like there were times where, like she was pissed you know, and she was she was wanting to uh, uh, to hurt me you know, um, and we talked, like last night at dinner, just about how the kids, like we talked about.

Speaker 3: 1:42:41

So I have a daughter that's six years old, now out in california, and first grade, and you know, the difference, I see, is, you know, my wife was not vindictive in the way, in this negative way. She, yes, used the kids, but to remind me and to show me this is what you have and it's yours so, but you know, but she'll, honestly, she'll tell you straight up, like I was not the perfect christian, like I didn't do it all right, but what she did start learning was to discern the spirit, when to push, when not to push well all right, I gotta share this.

Speaker 1: 1:43:36

The biblical uh symbol for lotus blossoms is rebirth and purification. The white, unblemished flowers that emerge from the mud are representative of rebirth and purification.

Speaker 2: 1:43:58

You're kidding. Did you know that?

Speaker 3: 1:44:01

Mm-mm. I knew it was some type of religious symbol, or you know.

Speaker 1: 1:44:06

I didn't have no idea. I think you prophesied your own life on your arm.

Speaker 2: 1:44:10

Dude, I was thinking the same thing.

Speaker 1: 1:44:16

I've been like I couldn't get the tattoo on your arm out of my head for an hour and a half. And what is going on with this guy's arm?

Speaker 2: 1:44:25

And you prophesied your own coming to the lord before you even did you know what's gonna happen what's so bizarre even that like be like on that same vein is that it is on the arm that had six surgeries yes it's on the one that got broken over and over and over again I never thought of it that way either that is so wild, like that is a prophetic statement, like the lord, like, like you said, from birth you had a dog saving me had his hand on you, and even without you knowing it, yep without you deserve none of it and I couldn't earn it.

Speaker 3: 1:45:13

You know, it's a humbling thing. That's why I like when I say I take pictures, things like that, it's because I see God. I see God and it brings me to tears when my kids laugh at me.

Speaker 1: 1:45:39

You have every right to be thankful for who God is and his faithfulness. I mean, that's what sun rises and sunsets are. It's just like to me. It's like the sun rises every day. It's just a picture of his faithfulness, yep absolutely.

Speaker 2: 1:46:01

As faithful as the rising and the setting of the sun is what they say.

Speaker 3: 1:46:10

Jeremiah Lincoln, thank you for sharing your story. Thank you, I appreciate the opportunity. You know we've talked so much and I will go anywhere. You know, I think it was in 21. I was like, lord, whatever opportunity you give me, it's yes, it's yes. So it's not even a option or anything for me. So thank you guys for the opportunity and I know I can be long-winded, but my story is so there's so much and that's that is not even all of it. You know, and and that's what's crazy, but I tell you what, like my wife would definitely do something like this, but it it's going to have to be a Q and a type deal. She's not one to just talk like me. She's like I'll answer questions but that's it, like I'm not going to expound or whatever. So that's something you guys think about.

Speaker 2: 1:47:01

That would be so. That would be so awesome. What would be really awesome is to do like marriage style, like interview, where both of y'all are there and then be. That would be wild, that would be wild. Thanks, man, you're so rich. Thank you, guys, and that wraps it up. Bye, thank you.